Shaq testifying on the Kobe case (humor)

[Bill Russell]

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/st ... llo/040805

Good read everyone

[Riot]

lmao, that's awesome

Mark Madsen bringing a playboy lmfao

[Alcoholic]

The part about Kobe's shots...

[Arcane]

lmao thats funny as a rat faced mofo

[j.23]

EASTER: Are there any other names that you use?


O'NEAL: I used to be called Shaq Attaq. Sometimes I go by Shaq Daddy or Shaq Diesel. And a teammate once called me Wilt Chamberneezy, but I think that one is stupid, just like the former teammate who gave it to me. Today I feel like going by "Kobe's Guilty."


DEFENSE ATTORNEY MACKEY: Objection, Your Honor.

LOL!

JUDGE: Mr. O'Neal, I'm going to tell you what I tell every athlete I've ever had in a trial: You can't refer to yourself in the third person during court proceedings, no matter how difficult that may be for you. It is very confusing when reading back the transcripts.


O'NEAL: The Big Prosecution Witness understands, Your Honor.


JUDGE: Seriously, knock it off.

thats awesome

[Micchy_boy]

JUDGE: Your witness, Ms. Mackey.


[BRYANT WHISPERS SOMETHING TO MACKEY BEFORE SHE RISES. SHE NODS HER HEAD AND APPROACHES THE WITNESS STAND.]


MACKEY: Mr. O'Neal, are you fat and lazy? And have you relied on your God-given size and strength your whole career instead of working to be a better player?


O'NEAL: Uh . . .


MACKEY: Remember, you're under oath.


O'NEAL: Well . . . uh . . .


MACKEY: Under oath, Mr. O'Neal. Tell the truth. Answer the question. Are you fat and lazy?


O'NEAL: Uh . . . yes. Yes I am.


[BRYANT BREAKS INTO HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER.]


MACKEY: I have no further questions for this witness.


[MACKEY AND BRYANT HIGH-FIVE ONE ANOTHER. BRYANT WHISPERS SOMETHING ELSE INTO MACKEY'S EAR. SHE NODS AGAIN.]


MACKEY: Wait a minute, Your Honor. I do have a few more questions.


JUDGE: Proceed.


MACKEY: Mr. O'Neal, do you think there is any plausible explanation for a person who is paid nearly $30 million a year to play professional basketball to shoot 49 percent from the free throw line -- well below what even a mediocre girl in junior high basketball could shoot for free?


O'NEAL: You know . . . uh . . . it's complicated . . . I've got this wrist problem . . . and, uh . . .


MACKEY: Answer the question, Mr. O'Neal.


O'NEAL: Well . . . uh . . . sure, I think it's reasonable for a person who makes more than half of his team's entire salary to miss more than half of his free throws. Why not?


JUDGE: Mr. O'Neal -- come on, now. Let me remind you again that you're under oath. An answer like that will get you held in contempt and thrown in jail for perjury. Care to change your answer before I have you hauled out of here?


O'NEAL: Okay, okay. No, it's not acceptable for a person making nearly $30 million to shoot 49 percent from the line. In fact, it boggles the mind.


[BRYANT BREAKS INTO HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER AGAIN.]

Looks like the Hack-A-Shaq theory has finally worked.
JUDGE: That's better. Proceed, Ms. Mackey.



[BRYANT WHISPERS SOMETHING INTO MACKEY'S EAR AGAIN. SHE NODS AGAIN. BRYANT THEN RAISES HIS HAND.]


JUDGE: Yes, Mr. Bryant. You want to speak?


BRYANT: Yes, Your Honor. [BRYANT RISES FROM HIS SEAT.] Is all of the stuff he just said on public record?


JUDGE: Yes.


BRYANT: Oh, man -- that's fantastic. [BRYANT SITS BACK DOWN WITH A BIG SMILE ON HIS FACE.]


JUDGE: Ms. Mackey? Please continue.


MACKEY: Mr. O'Neal, in 1996 when you released a rap album called "The Best of Shaquille O'Neal," were you serious with that title? Or did you release it knowing it really, really stunk and were trying to be ironic or something?


[BRYANT TRIES TO STIFLE A LAUGH.]


EASTER: Objection, Your Honor. This line of questioning has no bearing on . . . actually, wait. Strike that. I don't object. I'd like to hear his answer to this.


JUDGE: I'm glad you said that. I was hoping to hear his response, too. Mr. O'Neal?


O'NEAL: I'm quite proud of the rap music I produced. I had a lot of hits to put on that album, from "What's Up Doc?" with Fu-Schnickens to, you know . . . uh . . . lots of stuff, like . . . uh . . . you know, various re-mixes of "What's Up Doc?" with Fu-Schnickens. To be honest, the toughest part was having to leave some absolutely dynamite stuff out of the album.


[BRYANT, MACKEY, EASTER, THE JUDGE, THE BAILIFF, THE JURY AND THE ENTIRE COURTROOM BURST INTO LAUGHTER THAT CONTINUES FOR SEVERAL MINUTES.]


MACKEY [STILL LAUGHING]: The defense has no further questions, Your Honor.

here the best part of all. LOL

[Homer]

.

[TRIO DOROBO]

nice stuff.i love ESPN page 2. And i hate Kobe. Haha Just another Kobe hater joined the forces of Kobe-haters. Welcome me , Welcome me !

Another Shaq's Whore