He's the one that spread that Jason Williams rumour, about him going to Miami that is, he figured it this way:
Hmm, Shaq + Jones + Wade = pretty good. Hmm, let me make Wade & Jones mad at Shaq so they don't pass the ball to Shaq.
I'll spread a rumour that Shaq wants Jones out of here, hah...that would be awesome.
Hmm, gotta make it believable though, heh! I'll say they want Jason Williams in return...this way Wade thinks that Shaq thinks that he's a bad PG. Hah, I ruin Jones' relationship with Shaq + Wade's relationship with Shaq. Damn, I'm a genius.
Duncan's self esteem will be crushed from what happens in the Olympics, so not to worry about SA.
Minnesotta? Hmm, a problem. Perhaps I can wear a ski mask and kick Cassell's back & make it go out again. Perhaps we can win then.
Oh wait, isn't KG getting married? I'll send them an anonymous ticket that says "Oooh, enjoy Hawaai" but in fact the ticket will be a one way ticket to Uzbekistan.
Yippie, no more Minnesota.
Who else is around? Dallas? Hmmm, I'll pay all the barbers in Dallas to refuse to cut Dirks hair, this way his shooting will decline, hey if you can't see the basket, you can't make a basket. He's blind on defense anyways. No worries about Dampier...he's all giddy about his fat contract.
Sacramento? Hah, we have Divac, we'll make him fall down and bam, Miller's out of the game. Webber? What to do about Webber? Oooh, there will be rumours that Tyra has shot nude photo's for Penthouse. OMG!! Hah, cry baby Webber won't like this much. What to do about that bearded guy? He's got some three point skills...hmm...aah, I'll tell him that Divac is mad at him. He'll feel so bad.
Houston? OMG, what do I do about Houston? Aah, I'll bring George Michaels to the game. T-Mac said 5% of the NBA was gay, we all knew he meant himself.
Yao, what about Yao? Oh, we have Divac, we'll make him fall down everytime.
Memphis? Pff, piece of cake. We've made a deal with Jerry, he's gonna make that team of his look awesome, just never reaching the top. Pau & Co will blow it to us since we're so kewl.
Denver, hmm...I think I'll invite Rodman to that game, naked. Kenyon loves almost ripping off his jersey after dunks to show his awesome heart or tattoo, whatever the hell that thing is...he'll feel the urge to go nekked. Bam, he's out of the game.
Carmelo? Aah, I'll just ask Bron Bron to borrow his ROY trophy. I'll wave it around everytime Melo looks at the scorers table.
Bah, the rest suck. We should be able to beat those guys in the west.
On to the east, what evil plan can I come up with for the East?
Detroit, our enemies. My enemy!
Detroit was an ok basketball team before Rasheed Wallace came along...with him they won the championship. I've got the solution, I'll ask Jackass from the Netherlands to entertain Rasheed on a vacation or something. Tell Jackass to show Rasheed around the local "coffee shops". (Weed is sold in coffee shops.) One wiff of those earthly herbs & bam, Wallace is out.
Indiana? What to do with them? Against O'Neal we just make Divac fall down. Damn, I'm good at this shit. Artest? Oooh, I'll say...Damn Artie, Okafor..an unproven rookie got an invitation as did the runner up in the ROY awards, and you didn't. That's gotta hurt kid. Bam, hurt his feelings. We win.
New Jersey? We'll just laugh in their faces while picking our noses. (Three picks for Martin? Awesome.)
The rest suck. Bam, we've got ourselves the championship.
We rule all. The awards? As following...
Season & Finals MVP: Vlade Divac, without this mans superb falling down, we would never have won those games.
Coach of the Year: Rudy Tomjanovich
Rookie of the year: That european dude we drafted.
Sixth Man Award: Devean George/Caron Butler
Defensive Player of the year: Vlade Divac
Most Improved Player of the year: LA Lakers, they went from Finals exit to winning it all.
All NBA First Team:
Vlade Divac
Lamar Odom
Caron Butler
Devean George
Kobe Bryant
GM Of the Year: Mitch Cup Of Shit.
Acceptance speech: They said I was doing it all wrong, I proved all of them wrong. *tear*
Aaah, a day in Mitch Cup Of Shit's Life/Brain.
Sorry for going off topic btw.
Aah, relief.
