[19-28] 'Saur Losers | Retired

That NBA banner is hilarious, maybe it has been posted already but it was my first time seeing it. Finally able to follow after back reading for a while. That trade is nice, now the Blazers are a contender indeed

Love the Blazers starting five

with Nashty at 36 and younger Miller only a just a shave off Nash's averages, plus the Suns deepening their bench by two decent players, i'd actually grade PHX coming out slightly ahead A- to B+ imo

8-14 so your club's still in the mix and Big Jurassic still pulling his weight is doubly

Week 6 In Review

December 14, 2010 - The sixth week of the season was actually a successful one for the Raptors. Thanks to a favorable schedule and some excellent play from DeMar DeRozan, Jarrett Jack and Shaquille O'Neal, they won 3 of 4 to improve to 11-15. Andrea Bargnani has struggled with consistency, and Leandro Barbosa has started to suck, but as a whole, the team played well this week. Here's hoping it is a sign of things to come!

Bargnani, Shaq Lead Raptors Past Wolves

December 8, 2010 - After a surprisingly decent start to the season, the Wolves have started to show that they are who we thought they were. Despite a big game from Kevin Love, Minnesota was blown out in Toronto, 120-103. The star front-court of Shaquille O'Neal and Andrea Bargnani combined for 38 points and 15 rebounds in the win. The Raptors improved to 9-14 with the victory.

30 20 21 30 103 (8-13) | Love: 17/16/2, 5-6 FG; Beasley: 18/5/2; Flynn: 17/1/2 (Shitass: Martell Webster: 8/4/3, 2-9 FG)
28 25 33 34 120 (9-14) | Bargnani: 18/10/0 (PotG); O'Neal: 20/5/1, 10-14 FG, 0-7 FT; Thabeet: 6/8/2 blocks

Salmons Leads Bucks Past Raptors

December 9, 2010 - After a slow start to the season, the Milwaukee Bucks seem to be hitting their stride. Thanks to hot shooting by John Salmons and solid output from Drew Gooden, the Bucks defeated the Raptors. After an up-tempo first quarter, the Bucks took control in the second, and kept a steady lead through the rest of the game. DeMar DeRozan led the Raptors' losing cause with 22 points and 7 boards.

30 20 17 34 101 (9-15) | DeRozan: 22/7/2; Jack: 15/0/2, 5-6 FG; Barbosa: 14/1/2 (Shitass: Hedo Turkoglu: 9/3/7, 2 TO's, 3-12 FG)
27 31 20 30 108 (11-10) | Salmons: 23/4/2, 9-13 FG (PotG); Gooden: 22/7/0; Jennings: 12/3/9

Raptors Overcome Smith's Big Game, Beat Hawks Again


J-Smoove doesn't like DeRozan's trash talking. | Jeff Teague Vs. Patty Mills: The showdown!
December 9, 2010 - The Toronto Raptors are a bad team, but this season, they seemed to have our number. After upsetting us in Atlanta last week, they used balanced scoring and a big night from Shaq (who we could have gotten...) to defeat us once again. Thanks to the Craptors, what could be a successful 14-8 start, is a mediocre 12-10. Ugh.

The game was close from the start, with neither team being able to get an edge. There were several lead changes in the first half, and a last-second pair of free throws by Jamal Crawford put us up 52-48 at intermission. Toronto briefly regained the lead in the third, but it would be short-lived. However, we couldn't seem to put them away, and clung to a two point lead going into the fourth. An off-kilter "young guns" lineup of Patty Mills, Sonny Weems, DeMar DeRozan, Ed Davis and Hasheem Thabeet was used to start the fourth, and gained the lead with a 13-2 run. Their starters than held down the fort for a huge 99-92 win.

Josh Smith was awesome, scoring 14 of his season-high 27 points in the first quarter. He was a pest on both ends of the court, and was easily the best player on the court. Unfortunately, another turrible game from Mike Bibby and a failure to contain the Raptors swingmen was ultimately our undoing. Its a good thing there's no real chance we'll meet them in the playoffs, because they seem to have our number. Even bad games from Andrea Bargnani and Leandro Barbosa couldn't stop them from kicking our asses. Lets hope the Hawks can step up their game soon.

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Josh Smith with a... (wait for it...) smoove move!
24 28 21 19 92 (12-10) | J. Smith: 27/11/3 blocks; J. Johnson: 25/2/3; Horford: 14/8/2 (Shitass: Mike Bibby: 2/1/4, 2 TO's, 1-7 FG)
25 23 23 28 99 (10-15) | S. O'Neal: 18/9/4 blocks, 9-12 FG (PotG); Turkoglu: 20/4/7; DeRozan: 18/2/4

Raptors Hold Off Houston For Second Straight Win

December 13, 2010 - After a dominant start to the game, the Raptors played their best defense of the season. Going into the fourth with a 66-55 lead, the Raptors were looking for their biggest win of the season. Late in the game, Aaron Brooks sparked a Rockets run that tied the game with 22 seconds to go. Shaquille O'Neal split a pair of free throws, then Kevin Martin missed a potential game-winner at the buzzer.

16 18 21 26 81 (13-10) | Brooks: 24/3/1; Yao: 14/8/2; K. Martin: 16/2/0 (Shitass: Luis Scola: 4/6/2, 1-7 FG)
24 22 20 16 82 (11-15) | S. O'Neal: 15/7/0, 5-8 FG (PotG) | Jack: 15/4/2; Turkoglu: 12/5/4

Boxscore of the Week:


December 9, 2010: Mavericks @ Suns
In Steve Nash's final game as a Phoenix Sun, the Canadian had an underwhelming performance against his former team. Par for the course of this season, the loss was by double digits. With Nash and Amar'e Stoudemire gone, looks like the Suns are J-Rich's team (baby).

Players of the Week:
Gerald Wallace (CHA): 15.5 PPG, 11.5 RPG, 3.7 APG, 2.0 SPG, 1.9 BPG, 21.9 PER, .549% TS (Bobcats: 13-9)
Wallace's Bobcats quietly have the third best record in the East (but due to the playoff format, are in the 5th seed), and Crash has been the driving force. Leading all small forwards in rebounding by a long shot, ad boasting increased offensive efficiency, Wallace is looking at another all-star berth.
Kevin Durant (OKC): 30.4 PPG, 8.0 RPG, 4.6 APG, 31.4 PER, .606% TS (Thunder: 15-7)
Yet another player of the week award goes to the Durantula. Durant continues to lead the league in scoring and PER, and is leading a relatively unimproved OKC side to a projected 56 win season. KD is starting to look like an early shoe-in for the MVP.

Division Standings:
(4) BOS 12-11 | .521% | GB: 0
TOR | 11-15 | .423% | GB: 2.5
NYK | 9-14 | .391% | GB: 3
PHI | 9-14 | .391% | GB: 3
NJN | 6-18 | .300% | GB: 6.5

Raptors Leaders:
PPG: A. Bargnani: 15.1 (55th); D. DeRozan: 14.7; S. O'Neal: 13.0
RPG: S. O'Neal: 7.8 (36th); A. Bargnani: 7.5; D. DeRozan: 5.3
APG: H. Turkoglu: 5.4 (29th); J. Jack: 3.5; B. Diaw: 2.5
SPG: L. Barbosa: 1.1 (47th); D. DeRozan 0.8; J. Jack: 0.8
BPG: A. Bargnani: 1.8 (21st); S. O'Neal: 1.7; H. Thabeet: 1.4
MPG: A. Bargnani: 32.0 (54th); J. Jack: 30.8; D. DeRozan: 29.8
PER: S. O'Neal: 19.4 (39th); A. Bargnani: 17.7; D. DeRozan: 16.7
TS%: J. Jack: .617% (9th); A. Bargnani: .590%; S. O'Neal: .562%

Last edited by Lamrock on Mon Aug 23, 2010 10:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

A great week for the Craptors. That game against the Rockets was a close shave for you guys.

This gets you back in the hunt, since the East is shitass.

Jeff Teague Vs. Patty Mills: The showdown!

Hells yeah!

Nice reference to your previous dynasty and also a nice week.

Patty needs more shots.

Axel13, Yep. Sorry for beating your Rockets. That heartbreaking loss triggered a four game slide to .500 in which Kevin Martin broke his hand...

Houndy66, The East isn't too bad now. Not as deep as the West, but has the top 2 teams, and all playoff teams are .500 or better. As it stands, Indiana is two games ahead of me. Fingers crossed.

shadowgrin,

dei., Thanks man.

Sit, He's getting his minutes for what its worth, and I'm on the verge of giving him a minimum contract. What more could you want?

I would rather see Mills Steve Nashing his teammates.

I would rather see Mills Steve Nashing his teammates.

Like this?

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great week dude!@

Drew Gooden was a major factor for your loss. Wow.

Great games by DeMar

Craptor Chapters
Chapter 3: A Weems To An End

From day one in Toronto, DeMar DeRozan and Sonny Weems have been good friends. They've done everything together, and have been compared to the Raptors' tandem of Vince Carter and T-Mac from back in the day. Problem is, this new tandem, dubbed "Sonny D" has a ceiling of JR Smith and Josh Howard.
DeMar didn't have the best start to the season, upping his scoring and rebounds, but at the cost of efficiency. As he started to play well, he began his lobbying for his friend. Due to Jay Triano's increasingly frequent absences, he had to speak to the GM.
"Hey, DeMar. Great game last night. What's up", asked Liam.
Demar acknowledged the compliment, then asked "do you know why my boy Sonny isn't getting any playing time?"
"I actually tried speaking to Jay about it. His minutes have gone up with the injury to Linas though..."
DeMar sighed. "But he's coming back soon!"
"I'll ensure that he gets PT,", winked the GM.
"Thanks," DeMar replied, as he went back to training for the 2011 dunk contest.

Patty Mills had become a fan favorite. While he didn't do anything particularly well, and was essentially a Marcus Banks clone, he always drew massive applause from the home crowd. Also, the Patty Mills thread on RealGM reached a record 1,206,533 replies before being closed by a mod.
Mills and David Andersen, like Sonny and DeMar, had become great friends. Andersen ribbed Mills for his grey haired appearance in both Live '10 and Elite '11, while Mills taunted Andersen for never playing, and being turned down by Aussie WNBA star Lauren Jackson for a date.
"Man, I can't believe you're still dating an Aussie girl. Whole reason I left the NBL was due to the talent," David said to Patty.
Patty smirked. "You left the NBL because you were scared of Will Sit. Dude would have destroyed you."
"Will Sit has a bloody head on him like a sucked mango, mate. G'day," Andersen said, leaving.
Patty yelled after him "Practice isn't over yet!"
David gestured to a sleeping Triano, and Patty followed him out.

Liam had been trying to arrange a Kleiza deal since day one. He had no place in the rotation, and every time Liam saw him, he appeared intoxicated. However, he could not be dealt until December 22. Even a week after being cleared to play by team doctors, Kleiza insisted he needed more time on the IR.
"I need time to hic-heal", a clearly buzzed Kleiza pleaded to coach Jay Triano.
"Alright, one more week then." He then put down his newspaper and shouted "20 more suicides" to his players. He hadn't noticed that Shaq had missed the last week of practices, filming the third season of Shaq VS. (sub-titled ", Eh?")
Despite the team's overall lethargy, the Raptors were a respectable 11-15, before dropping a pair of games to the Florida teams. Toronto hoped to save their momentum with a home win against the cellar-dweller New Jersey Nets.

Liam confronted Triano. "See this game as a must-win, If you lose this, you're fired."
Triano did a fist-pump. "So you're saying I should start David Andersen at the point, and tell the players that we're tanking for a draft pick now?"
"I discovered a loophole in your contract", Liam lied. "If I fire you before the New Year, the rest of your salary isn't guaranteed!"
"You can't... do this to me! I'll tell the worl-"
"Tell them what?", Liam interrupted. "That I'm trying to move the team to Seattle? I'm a general manager, and this team is owned by a Canadian corporation. It doesn't add up."
"SO'S YOUR FACE."

Liam sat court-side for the Nets-Raptors game. If they lost, it wasn't just Jay Triano's season that would be over. He was disgusted to see the Craptors get destroyed by Derrick Favors and Devin Harris. Their epic failure to get to the line, take care of the ball or defend made Liam sick. Linas Kleiza made a short stint (his first in weeks), but was quickly benched after a pair of fouls. Eventually the score read Nets 48, Raptors 36.
A desperate Triano said "Sonny, DeMar, you're in."

Great stuff, Lamrock. I'm guessing Kleiza gets tanked at half time with Triano? Would explain Jay's play calls.

Kleiza is a drunken bloke! Poor Craptors.

the Patty Mills thread on RealGM reached a record 1,206,533 replies before being closed by a mod.

Tell me this isn't true.

Mills taunted Andersen for never playing, and being turned down by Aussie WNBA star Lauren Jackson for a date.

BURN! lol

Top shelf dude. Well done on the Hawks win

Mills is scared of Sit? It's the other way around men

Thanks guys. The story's been pretty uninspired so far, but hopefully it will get better once the story-lines and characters are developed. The two drunks are definitely on thin ice. (Was delighted to see "Raptors To Fire Triano?" on the game's rumor wiretap after writing that chapter)

Stay tuned!

Awesome Chapter, love the random things that happen to every team Liam Washburn presides over

Week 7 In Review

December 21, 2010 - The season's seventh week was a trying one for our Craptors. Opening the week by traveling to Florida to visit the two super teams, we played well, not losing by double-digits, but still picked up the L's. A disappointing home loss to the Nets (of all teams!) pushed us back to 11-18, before we closed out the week with a blowout win over the Hornets. Even that blowout win was costly, as Andrea Bargnani sustained a strained abdomen, which will keep him out of action for about 2 weeks. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck...

LeBron Records Near-Triple Double As Heat Defeat Raptors

December 15, 2010 - Playing their best basketball of the season all game, and actually leading by 1 going into the fourth, it appeared as if the Toronto Raptors could actually defeat Chris Bosh and the Miami Heat. Then Miami kicked it into high gear. An unstoppable offensive onslaught in the fourth gave the Heat a lead, and they never looked back, winning 99-90. 2008-09 scoring champion Dwyane Wade took just 8 shots from the field. Miami is now on pace for a record 75 wins.

26 23 19 22 90 (11-16) | Bargnani: 20/7/0; DeRozan: 16/8/2; S. O'Neal: 14/7/2 (Shitass: Sonny Weems: 0/0/1, 0-3 FG, 10 minutes)
28 22 18 31 99 (21-2) | L. James: 25/8/9 (PotG); Bosh: 23/11/0; Wade: 15/4/4

Howard, Paul Lead Magic Past Raptors

December 16, 2010 - The night after facing the Heat in Miami, the Raptors visited the Magic in Orlando. The now-dreaded back-to-back against the league's top two teams on their respective home courts is something no team has gone undefeated through, and the Raptors were no exception. Despite big games from DeMar DeRozan and Andrea Bargnani, Toronto never stood a chance against the Magic. Led by their two MVP candidate superstars, the Magic bounced back from a slow start to defeat Canada's team 101-93.

26 21 21 25 93 (11-17) | Bargnani: 20/6/2; DeRozan: 19/8/1; Turkoglu: 10/5/7 (Shitass: Jarrett Jack: 3/3/3, 1-10 FG)
22 22 28 29 101 (20-5) | Howard: 24/13/3 (PotG); Paul: 25/5/9; Lewis: 16/5/0

Derrick Favors Destroys The Raptors, Nets Actually Win


Weems played great, but wasn't used in the fourth... | Favors owned the shit out of The Big Fossil.
December 18, 2010 - Well that was certainly surprising. Derrick Favors, who "isn't NBA ready" just led the Nets to the biggest victory of the season to date. Granted, when you're 9-18, that isn't saying much, but Favors' play was still inspiring all the same. The Nets are reportedly in talks to get Troy Murphy from Indiana (who will almost certainly take the starting 4 spot), so I wonder if this changes that.

From the start, we had control. The Raptors simply weren't defending, so Favors and Devin Harris went to town on the Raptors. Furthermore, Andrea Bargnani made just one of his six first quarter shots. Our lead reached as many points as 14 in the second, before Jay Triano brought in bench-warmer Sonny Weems. Weems and DeMar DeRozan (a tandem called Sonny D apparently) got the Raptors and crowd back into it with a 13-4 run. Avery Johnson called a timeout, and we finished the half up 5.

Our lead got back into double digits in the third, but a late run got Toronto within 3. The pattern continued into the fourth, with the Raptors picking away at the lead, but not having the firepower to ever take the lead. We ultimately held them off for a 95-86 victory. The defeat puts the Raptors 7 games under .500 and has sparked rumors of Jay Triano being fired. But enough about the Craptors. Go Nets!!!

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Bargnani intercepts a pass, then Hedo dunks on the fastbreak.
30 21 17 27 95 (9-18) | Favors: 18/14/1 (PotG); Harris: 14/1/10; Outlaw: 17/3/4
22 24 19 21 86 (11-18) | DeRozan: 14/8/5; Bargnani: 10/11/3; Weems: 11/3/2, 5-6 FG (Shitass: Patty Mills: 2/0/1, 1-5 FG)

Raptors Win Game, Lose Bargnani

December 20, 2010 - Coming off three straight losses, the Raptors really needed a win. Thankfully, the post-Chris Paul Hornets were in town! After a tightly contested first half in which Raptors' leading scorer Andrea Bargnani went down, the Raptors destroyed the Hornets in the third quarter, en route to a 111-91 victory. Bargnani is expected to miss 2 weeks with a strained abdomen.

23 22 23 23 91 (8-18) | D. West: 19/7/1; W. Bynum: 17/3/4; Prince: 16/6/1 (Shitass: Darren Collison: 0/0/6, 3 TO's, 0-5 FG)
29 16 38 27 111 (12-18) | Turkoglu: 15/6/5, 6-7 FG (PotG); Barbosa: 17/1/4; Weems: 7/2/2, 3-3 FG

Boxscore of the Week:


December 18, 2010: Bucks @ Cavaliers
Ramon Sessions gets revenge on his original team for dumping him by posting LeBron-esque numbers in a surprising blowout victory. Don't look now, but Sessions is the current favorite to win the sixth man of the year award.

Players of the Week:
Rajon Rondo (BOS): 13.2 PPG, 11.1 APG, 7.8 RPG, 3.0 SPG, 22.9 PER, .510% TS (Celtics: 15-11)
Leading the league in assists and steals, and all guards in rebounding, Rondo is enjoying another huge year on an underachieving Raptors team. This week, Rondo has averaged a triple-double, while Boston went undefeated.
Al Jefferson (UTA): 22.5 PPG, 8.5 RPG, 1.6 BPG, 22.4 PER, .563% TS (Jazz: 17-10)
The Jazz are starting to hit their stride, and Jefferson has proven to be an excellent stand-in for the departed Boozer. After a slow start, Jefferson has put together several 30-10 performances. Methinks the league just didn't want to give it to Durant this week.

Division Standings:
(4) BOS 15-11 | .576% | GB: 0
PHI | 11-16 | .407% | GB: 4.5
NYK | 11-16 | .407% | GB: 4.5
TOR | 12-18 | .400% | GB: 5
NJN | 9-19 | .321% | GB: 7

Pacers Sign Allen Iverson

December 17, 2010 - The Indiana Pacers announced today that they have signed guard Allen Iverson to a one-year deal. Iverson, 35, is a former MVP, and four-time scoring champion. Iverson holds a career average of 26.2 points per game, but averaged a career low 13.9 last season with the Grizzlies and 76ers. With the Pacers shopping TJ Ford and slipping in the standings, they opted to gamble on the mercurial Iverson. This signing is not expected to halt the rumored Troy Murphy/Trevor Ariza/Courtney Lee deal. Iverson will start at the point guard position.

Raptors Leaders:

PPG: A. Bargnani: 14.9 (57th); D. DeRozan: 14.8; S. O'Neal: 12.5
RPG: S. O'Neal: 7.9 (36th); A. Bargnani: 7.5; D. DeRozan: 5.5
APG: H. Turkoglu: 5.5 (27th); J. Jack: 3.4; D. DeRozan: 2.5
SPG: L. Barbosa: 1.2 (38th); J. Jack: 0.9; D. DeRozan: 0.8
BPG: A. Bargnani: 1.9 (20th); S. O'Neal: 1.7; H. Thabeet: 1.3
MPG: A. Bargnani: 31.7 (55th); J. Jack: 31.1; D. DeRozan: 30.3
FG%: S. O'Neal: .589% (2nd); H. Thabeet: .530%; A. Bargnani: .479%
3pt%: B. Diaw: .425% (8th); J. Jack: .419%; A. Bargnani: .400%
FT%: J. Jack: .859% (22nd); L. Barbosa: .810%; H. Turkoglu: .805%
PER: S. O'Neal: 18.9 (47th); A. Bargnani: 18.1; D. DeRozan: 16.9
TS%: A. Bargnani: .586% (20th); J. Jack: .584%; S. O'Neal: .553%

Triano is fired

No surprise with the first two losses, but the Nets loss is questionable. With Bargs down, Shaq will need to step up his scoring.