Dear LiveJournal,

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Re: Dear LiveJournal,

Postby mp3 on Wed Aug 08, 2018 10:36 pm

Well Dear LiveJournal I don't know where to begin.

I life has took a completely different turn and iam at rock bottom,the worst place I've every been in my life and iam not sure which way is up anymore.

Due to high stress my marriage broke down completely leading my mental health to snowball which landed me being held in a mental institution on a section 2, 28 day hold. Upon release into a homeless shelter I made an attempt on my life leading back to hospital.

After another lengthy stay of which did not help my deep depression or mental health as there answer is just medicate to a point of numbness so I left there and have being sleeping rough for 3 weeks saying goodbye to every property I own to survive to a point where that ran out and I took my second attempt on my life. Ive being in hospital for a few weeks and have today being housed but being in an empty house doesn't change your mindset or depression and I haven't seen my daughter in 2 months.

Maybe this isn't the place to post this with our younger audience so Andrew you can delete this post if need be I just needed to write it down to get it out of my head and believe me I've written it on paper a hundred times over but it hasn't helped this site has always felt like home, a community and reminds me of happier times.
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Re: Dear LiveJournal,

Postby Kevin on Wed Aug 08, 2018 10:44 pm

mp3, I'm sorry that you're experiencing that man. Is there anyone in your family you can reach out to? If you want somebody to talk to, I'm down. Shoot me a PM for your Skype/discord/steam.
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Re: Dear LiveJournal,

Postby Andrew on Wed Aug 08, 2018 11:10 pm

Really sorry to hear it man. If we can be a place to vent or just be a pleasant distraction while you figure everything out and take time for yourself, I'm glad that we can offer that and perhaps be a bright spot.

It's difficult to find words that don't sound like empty platitudes, but I hope you can find some help and that things get better, as hard a road as it may seem. I'm not sure how things work with the NHS over there in the UK, but if there are any free/affordable mental health services available to you, please look into them. As you said, that's a lot better than simply medicating and sedating. If there is anyone you can reach out to, please do that as well. It's so important to have a reliable support system, people who you can fall back on. If there's a support group or volunteer organisation that can step in there, I hope you can find them.

Basically, please keep fighting the Good Fight. Wishing you strength, resolve, and happy thoughts in this difficult time.
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Re: Dear LiveJournal,

Postby shadowgrin on Sat Aug 11, 2018 9:03 am

Keep fighting man, you still need to see your girl grow up and have a dance with her on her wedding day.
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Re: Dear LiveJournal,

Postby el badman on Sat Aug 11, 2018 1:24 pm

While my ordeal doesn't seem like it can even compare here, I feel like I know what you're going through mp3. I've been prone to depression for quite a few years, but after I got divorced the symptoms certainly reached a whole other level of scary. Being already my own worst enemy with deep self-loathing issues, ending up all of sudden completely alone in an essentially empty house, with all of my family and friends 6000 miles away, that just created this sense of complete loneliness that is hard to even describe.

While I didn't make an actual attempt (the suicide hotline was as far as I went), I certainly felt at that time that there was just no point in carrying on, and the thought of ending it all felt my only relief. But I found comfort and support in some unexpected places, with my ex-brother-in-law essentially saving me from my own demons and showing me that it is worth continuing in this life, and embracing new experiences. It sounds cliché and I won't pretend that it was a complete turnaround, as I am still prone to these having those feelings once in a while, but it was enough of a jumpstart to get me going again.

Since then, I have met someone else and I now have a 2.5 year-old boy. While life is not all rainbows and fucking unicorns every day, I can certainly confirm that keeping up the fight is very much worth it. I hope things will start looking that way for you too, I wish you the best.
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Re: Dear LiveJournal,

Postby mp3 on Wed Aug 15, 2018 8:00 pm

Thank you for your inspiration words I appreciate them all, iam struggling but iam trying to focus on getting a job getting access to my daughter then getting my ps4 back and Live 19 hopefully by the new year,its just setting goals at this point.
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Re: Dear LiveJournal,

Postby Andrew on Wed Aug 15, 2018 10:20 pm

One step at a time, as they say. It always feels like a cliched thing to say, but it's the truth.
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Re: Dear LiveJournal,

Postby mp3 on Wed Aug 15, 2018 11:02 pm

It is true mate, I know what your saying. It's rebuilding one day at a time.

I just hope Isiah Thomas isn't trading my draft picks along the way.
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Re: Dear LiveJournal,

Postby [Q] on Thu Aug 16, 2018 6:22 am

I read something yesterday that really helped shift my mind a bit.

It was something about thinking that happiness lies in the future. In the next job, next relationship, etc. If you don't stop that way of thinking you will never have happiness in your current situation
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Re: Dear LiveJournal,

Postby el badman on Fri Aug 17, 2018 9:36 am

[Q] wrote:I read something yesterday that really helped shift my mind a bit.

It was something about thinking that happiness lies in the future. In the next job, next relationship, etc. If you don't stop that way of thinking you will never have happiness in your current situation

I guess that could depend on one's personality then, because for me the best thing to think about after reaching rock bottom was that I should enjoy the hell out of every little thing I did throughout the day, that I should enjoy and find meaning in every single moment.
But ultimately, I think it's in our very nature to attach more importance to the "want" than the "it" that we actually want, so as long as what lies in the future is not just some meaningless material possession for example, then I would agree that the thought of joy and comfort being up ahead can't hurt.
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Re: Dear LiveJournal,

Postby [Q] on Fri Aug 17, 2018 10:45 am

Yeah I agree with you, you need to fucking enjoy yourself now. I always had the notion that oh maybe things will get better. A lot of times that was all I had, a thin string keeping me hanging on, keeping me from ending it all was the hope of a better life in the future. But if you can't imagine finding happiness in your current situation, you never will.
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Re: Dear LiveJournal,

Postby Kenny on Thu Aug 23, 2018 4:45 pm

So, this is my first entry for a while. I'm pretty much counting down the next two months because I'm going to be heading to America for the 4th time in October (first time without Obama). Fly into LAX on the 27th of October and I'll be flying out on the 23rd of November. This time, I might be heading up to Canada and checking out Vancouver.
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Re: Dear LiveJournal,

Postby JaoSming on Thu Aug 23, 2018 5:04 pm

If you're driving by SF, let me know!
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Re: Dear LiveJournal,

Postby Kenny on Fri Aug 24, 2018 5:00 pm

For sure. Plans are tentative at the moment, but I was thinking of dropping by around mid-November.
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Re: Dear LiveJournal,

Postby Lamrock on Sat Aug 25, 2018 7:05 am

If you go to Vancouver, let me know! I live about an hour South of there and wouldn't mind an excuse to take visit Canada
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Re: Dear LiveJournal,

Postby Kenny on Sat Aug 25, 2018 1:07 pm

Definitely. I want to make an effort to see Canada this time around, and I'm not sure I'll have the time to go too far east this trip, so Vancouver is the most obvious option.

You've also reminded me that Seattle is easy to get to by bus, so that could be an option for my itinerary as well on my way back through America before my last flight back to Australia.
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Re: Dear LiveJournal,

Postby Lean on Wed Oct 17, 2018 10:37 pm

So yeah, I left the office in 2016 to directly work as a graphic designer and banner ads animator for a long-time foreign client which runs an ecommerce services company (I may have mentioned this before). When their customer, the guys that outsourced the banner ad projects to them -- and in effect, to me -- left suddenly, I was left in limbo and my client had me do other stuff that's out of my skillset: mainly blogging about ecommerce and customer service through voice. I made a few animated informational videos for them before we parted ways early 2017.

I worked for a former colleague from the same office I left from in 2016 to work on a previous client, continuing to work on HTML5 banner ads through the rest of the year up until mid-March this year when the projects were "on-pause." I haven't heard from this colleague for months so I decided to just look for another job (which is difficult given that I'm older now and companies don't like hiring old people).

So then I landed a job as a video editor for a popular YouTube channel with 10 million subscribers. I started as a part-time editor last May and did their intro stingers as part of their new video formats and started doing episodes full-time in mid-June. Everything's running smooth so far, I was featured (along the rest of the team behind the channel) in their 10 million subscribers appreciation video.

I'm enjoying the daily work as it presents challenges and it doesn't feel repetitive because of the variety of stuff they produce, but I really hope that this job would last longer than the last two I had.
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Re: Dear LiveJournal,

Postby spiderxx7 on Thu Oct 18, 2018 2:44 am

Well, in my case I was off the forums for almost four years. It has been a rough patch. I did have a job (which I'm still not sure if I liked or hated, it was just... there.) Still single, not A LOT of friends, but thankfully they have always been there for me. Movies have been a nice way to clean off steam. At the end of October it will be five months without a job. My family has been supporting me, but here in Argentina, it's not an easy situation. Hopefully everything resolves soon.
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Re: Dear LiveJournal,

Postby Kenny on Wed Oct 31, 2018 9:34 am

spiderxx7 wrote:Well, in my case I was off the forums for almost four years. It has been a rough patch. I did have a job (which I'm still not sure if I liked or hated, it was just... there.) Still single, not A LOT of friends, but thankfully they have always been there for me. Movies have been a nice way to clean off steam. At the end of October it will be five months without a job. My family has been supporting me, but here in Argentina, it's not an easy situation. Hopefully everything resolves soon.


If it's of any solace, five months isn't a terribly long time to be unemployed. Before my current job, I spent the best part of a year unemployed, looking for jobs after my postgrad degree. I even contemplated going back to the career I essentially went back to school to avoid. Thankfully, after over 100 job applications, one company decided to take a chance on me and I just recently celebrated one year with them. So, just stick with it, remain patient and your luck should turn around sooner or later (just noticed that your post was from almost two weeks ago, so disregard this if it already has :lol:).
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Re: Dear LiveJournal,

Postby spiderxx7 on Wed Oct 31, 2018 11:02 am

Kenny wrote:If it's of any solace, five months isn't a terribly long time to be unemployed. Before my current job, I spent the best part of a year unemployed, looking for jobs after my postgrad degree. I even contemplated going back to the career I essentially went back to school to avoid. Thankfully, after over 100 job applications, one company decided to take a chance on me and I just recently celebrated one year with them. So, just stick with it, remain patient and your luck should turn around sooner or later (just noticed that your post was from almost two weeks ago, so disregard this if it already has :lol:).


Thanks a lot, Kenny. Nah, nothing so far. :wall: I know it's a matter of time, hopefully. I just don't want to borrow any more money from my parents and I'm gonna be* 29 next year, so the idea of moving out has to come rather sooner than later.
Last edited by spiderxx7 on Wed Oct 31, 2018 12:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Dear LiveJournal,

Postby [Q] on Wed Oct 31, 2018 11:14 am

I was unemployed for two years or so, eventually you get into something
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Re: Dear LiveJournal,

Postby Andrew on Wed Oct 31, 2018 12:12 pm

It's definitely not fun. Keep your head up, and best of luck with the job hunt. :)
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Re: Dear LiveJournal,

Postby Lean on Wed Oct 31, 2018 2:44 pm

Job hunting is definitely frustrating. You just have to stay patient and never give up because one of these days you'll definitely land a job.

Before this current gig I have, I was unemployed for a almost half a year. Even tried applying for jobs that I thought I'd land easily but ended up rejected as well, but I didn't let up and just submitted applications to whatever job I feel I'm qualified for.
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Re: Dear LiveJournal,

Postby shadowgrin on Wed Oct 31, 2018 4:14 pm

If nothing else, try man-whoring yourself.
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Re: Dear LiveJournal,

Postby spiderxx7 on Fri Nov 02, 2018 12:35 am

shadowgrin wrote:If nothing else, try man-whoring yourself.


This is not that bad of an idea. :lol:
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