Dear LiveJournal,

Eesh, sorry to hear it Jon. I'm with you, you can't let behaviour like that slide even with family. In fact, I'd say especially with family. You might be more forgiving towards them, they might get a lot of rope, but there comes a time when everyone has to be held accountable for their actions and if he's college age, then that times has certainly already come. Instead, it seems like you're being made out to be the bad guys here which is absolutely not the case.

lets this brother be even if he screws his own family over. The fact that I lasted a year and a half up here before saying something is amazing......

you could always punch them in the face. A light punch will do, enough to knock their head back a bit but not strong enough to make their nose bleed. That's always a good conversation starter.

<3 for you

We are definitely labelled as the bad guys right now, and will be for the long haul. We are looking at apartments and other places to rent right now because there is no way we will be chosen over the baby boy, even with our baby coming in a couple months. We've been worried about this for a while, I just fucking made it come to a conclusion.

Hoping for a calm talk tomorrow where we can all just act like adults and work it out....preparing for a note that simply says "Get Out".

It's a shame it's come to that given the sacrifices you made out of concern and goodwill, but that sounds like the best idea moving forward.

It's a big shame, but I'm not going to try and play a victim card here. I broke the unwritten rule of standing up to the kid, he freaked out, and now I will handle the consequences.

Just get it over with Jao pronto in any way you can. That kind of stress isn't good for Junior Jao. He/she should be listening to classical music and shite while in the womb and not temper tantrums from his/her uncle.

Actually she is getting quite gung-ho over the possible move. This has let her let loose some of her repressed feelings about her brother and the wishy-washy decision making by her father. I mean it is still a lose lose situation, either she moves and has to trust her brothers to take care of her father with the day to day stuff, or we stay here worrying that at any time we could be asked to leave to let him move back in permanently.

She is actually finding apartments in this tiny decimal of a town (less than 1,000 people), so we could move down the street rather than miles away. Funny part is that we would pay less there than we are now.

Qballer, please remedy your e-mail account from sending spam. Thanks.

italics mine.

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yeah i even got that from myself too. that's weird because i have my yahoo mail linked to my gmail but it only shows up on yahoo

no sign of it on gmail so i don't know exactly what to do other than change my password

Stop linking e-mail accounts. There are good reasons to have different e-mail accounts. Linking is not one of them.

Just found out that both brothers and the father have been "conspiring" against us. Claiming we pay for nothing other than groceries for the house (electric, internet, cable, phone mean nothing evidently) and that it's bullshit that we get mad when they eat all the food on us. The father pays for the mortgage and heat, both covered barely by his disability & social security. They are going to have issues when we move.

And yes, finding this out is the final straw. Unfortunate and it won't be pretty, but there will be a move happening in a month. At least all this will happen on our own terms rather than whatever they were thinking of.

damn, i haven't had any problems with it until now. i unlinked them and changed my password on my gmail

No offense to Mrs Jao because that's her father, but that's just pathetic on his part. I know you don't want to play the victim card here but like I said, you made that move out of concern and goodwill, which he's basically thrown back in your faces. Simply being family doesn't justify treating someone that way, so I'm glad to hear you're making new arrangements. It sounds like they're in for a rude awakening.

but there will be a move happening in a month.

That's a long time imo.
Just find a cheap comfortable place fast and have your stuff in one of those storage places or something until you guys find the place you really want. Family or not, screw spending the holidays with them. I would probably do that if I were in that position.

I'd be tempted to do that too, but I'm guessing it's not that practical with work and everything else.

A week is enough for that with the weekends as the moving days but considering it's the holiday season, yeah will be really hard or even impossible to do.

I am tired as. Been working normal hours then coming home, dinner, kid to sleep then working for a few hours until early hours of morning. Just needing to get shite done before Xmas holidays. Work closes up lunchtime tomorrow so this will be my last night, thank heavens for that.

Well I work weekends, so weekdays for moving. After sleeping on it, I'm still in the same frame of mind, which is good. Should be interesting to hear the wife's thoughts. We are hoping to get out by the first, so that was supposed to be a "by the end of the month" not "in a month". Nevertheless, remember I live in a very rural area and we want to stay close so we can keep the same hospital for the baby (40 minutes away). There aren't exactly apartments available on a whim, but we did get a list that we e-mailed last night and I will be calling this morning.

Still no direct contact with the father or the other brother for me or my wife.

You play nice with the good brother since he'll be left with the other two *hint hint*, and "work" best you can with the father as you openly plan to move out.

Always out passive-aggressive the passive-aggressive.

Always.

so after all of that, blue balls. Can't financially make a move happen right now. So it looks like one word responses from the father and the silent treatment from the brother that didn't run off for no reason for the foreseeable future. yay

That sucks. Hope you can sort something out in the new year, or a couple of them can pull their heads out of their arses.

So I attempted to mend things by spelling out my point of view without apologizing for what I said, just for the tone I used to say it. Yep, it went over real well. They are both lying about what was said by who and what the current living arraignments are. Evidently we are supposed to pay rent on top of everything else, and they are still supposed to have final say over everything. We are evidently lying about how much money we have and are taking advantage of everyone....awesome. There is no way groceries should cost as much as we claim because our groceries only last a week and they used to last two weeks (because feeding 2 people should last as long as 5). The one that stormed out said that he is only coming by when we aren't here to visit his dad and brother. The other was claiming that we are trying to get rid of him because I asked him a few weeks ago if he was planning to get an apartment in the spring or not (which was his original plan).

So, rather than let them build up all this anger between each other (in emails we aren't supposed to see), we are sending an email to them both telling them we are leaving asap based on what we've heard from the mother indirectly on Facebook.

You should definitely get out. Not a good situation for your wife to be in. In-laws

The sooner the better.

Another update!

Talked to the father in law, he wants us all to work it out, but is now telling me that simply providing a bed and food isn't enough and if he wants to make a mess it is our duty to pick up after him.....I shit you not. He really wants us to work it out, so I just sugar coated it saying that at any point we can cancel the move if the boys want to talk about it.

Then we go to the computer, and see the replies between the brothers about our announcement of us leaving. The one in house (so grown up we are) replied saying that he doesn't want us to leave. Then they were emailing back and forth about how he doesn't think him and his dad could afford the house. And for the final huraah, he started emailing apartments asking how soon he could move in.

As fucked up as possible.