Best Team Names (Grantland)

As with the best court designs, this is an old article, but it's something to talk about while we wait for the season to begin.

The Definitive Guide to NBA Team Names, Part 1
The Definitive Guide to NBA Team Names, Part 2

And so here we go — one NBA writer’s ranking of the 30 team names in reverse order. This is entirely a subjective exercise. I considered the impact a nickname can have beyond itself — on the team’s color scheme, mascot choice, and other gimmickry. I factored in several criteria related to the nickname alone — the way it rolls off the tongue; the power of alliteration; its fit within local culture; its history and the history of the broader franchise; its method of selection and possible alternatives; its existence in the real world as a person, animal, inanimate object, or weather phenomenon; and other variables I weighed in whatever way I felt like.

Their Top 5

1. Portland Trail Blazers
2. Philadelphia 76ers
3. Boston Celtics
4. Detroit Pistons
5. New York Knickerbockers

Their Bottom 5

1. Brooklyn Nets
2. Cleveland Cavaliers
3. Charlotte Bobcats
4. Phoenix Suns
5. Orlando Magic

Probably the list I disagree with the most out of the three I've posted today, but again, we should probably give it a shot ourselves.

I only clicked on this thread because it had "Grantland" in the title.

If it didn't I would of thought it had CoryMach written all over it.

The topic's way too subjective.

Personally I found Toronto Raptors and Vancouver Grizzlies least likable. Just silly and target audience sounds like children age from 3 to 10.

Always fond of Utha Jazz and Pacers for some reason. Just my personal taste I guess.

Well, of course it's subjective. That doesn't mean you can't have interesting opinions, valid opinions, or opinions that appear to be based on strange reasoning.

I wasn't actually thinking subjectivity is bad but rather fun for this topic, hence my own opinion offered.

Fair enough, I thought you were suggesting it was too subjective to actually talk about.

It is tough to say what makes a good name for a sports team, or more specifically, a professional basketball team. I think animal names are always solid choices, particularly if they're animals that are big, strong, or ferocious. I also think plurals work a little better, but I don't dislike names like "Magic", "Heat", or "Jazz" either.

Id put the Cavaliers, Thunder, and Spurs in the Top 5, if it was me. Jazz, 76ers, Clippers, Lakers, and Magic would be in my bottom 5.

I'd take some points off the Jazz for the nickname no longer fitting the team's location. We give a pass to the Lakers because of the history, but when it really comes down to it, it's not a great name. Clippers isn't much better, but at least it's taken from something that was actually a thing, namely the ships that were referred to as clippers. 76ers fits Philadelphia and has historical significance, but otherwise it's not a particularly awesome moniker.

Thunder and Pelicans have both grown on me. In the case of the Pelicans, it kind of helped that Sean Elliott made fun of it, and the branding really sold it.

Not liking the names Clippers, Grizzlies, Pacers and Jazz. Clippers being a slow sailing boat, why name a pro sports team after a slow sailing boat? Grizzlies has absolutely nothing to do with the city, oddly enough Tennessee is also outside of the range of the animal. Pacers I dislike too, because why would a team just be pacing themselves, why not try to get ahead of other teams? Jazz I don't like too, because it has absolutely nothing to do with the city.

I agree that names that appeals to the state or city's history like the 76ers and the Trail Blazers are really good. I also like the Rockets because of its reference to NASA, jerseys though is a completely separate conversation altogether.

The Grizzlies name was more appropriate when they were in Vancouver. I'll give it a pass, because it's a ferocious animal, and that makes for a good name for a sports team. The Pacers are named after the pace car in the Indianapolis 500, which fits the state and city, but do you really want to name your basketball team after an entirely different sport (and not even a ball sport, at that)?

Not that I endorse it but I don't mind keeping the old names from previous cities. I hope the Thunder did the same and retire Gary Payton's jersey.

I think it's fine too. No need to change, unless you have a situation like the one with the Seattle SuperSonics, where it was part of the relocation agreement.

Hair Clippers

I remember someone years ago insisting that that's what the name Clippers meant, and that that's why Darius Miles and Quentin Richardson tapped their headbands.

Here are my rankings, sorted by division. This is purely based off how the names SOUND to me.

Boston Celtics > Philadelphia 76ers > New York Knicks > Toronto Raptors > Brooklyn Nets
Really like the first 3, Toronto Raptors is ok. Don't like Brooklyn Nets.

Detroit Pistons > Chicago Bulls > Milwaukee Bucks > Indiana Pacers > Cleveland Cavaliers
Detroit Pistons is one of my favorites in the entire league. The following 3 are pretty close, but the Bulls edge them out. And I actually like the "Cavaliers" name, it's just when it's paired as "Cleveland Cavaliers" it's a bit of a mouthful.

Orlando Magic > Miami Heat > Atlanta Hawks > Washington Wizards > Charlotte Hornets
One of the weaker divisions. Orlando and Miami are nice. Atlanta is ok, on par with Toronto Raptors. Washington Wizards seems like cheesy alliteration. And the hard 'T' sound in Charlotte and Hornets is annoying when paired together.

Houston Rockets > Dallas Mavericks > Memphis Grizzlies > San Antonio Spurs > New Orleans Pelicans
Houston Rockets is a dope name. Dallas and Memphis are nice too. SAS is ok, Pelicans is bad, no flow.

Utah Jazz > Denver Nuggets, Oklahoma City Thunder > Minnesota Timberwolves > Portland Trail Blazers
Another weaker division. They all middle of the pack names, along with Atlanta and Toronto.

Golden State Warriors > Sacramento Kings > Los Angeles Lakers > Phoenix Suns > Los Angeles Clippers
GSW and Sacramento are great. Rest are meh.

The best of the best:
Golden State Warriors, Detroit Pistons, Sacramento Kings, Houston Rockets, Boston Celtics

Honorable mentions:
Philadelphia 76ers, Chicago Bulls, Orlando Magic, Miami Heat, Dallas Mavericks, Memphis Grizzlies

Absolute Worst:
New Orleans Pelicans, Washington Wizards, Charlotte Hornets.

NUMBER ONE AT SOMETHING!!!

This is entirely subjective, but it's hard to argue with that top five. It's lame naming your team after an animal not native to your location.

Well, the Pelicans tried that, and people still hated the name.

Nothing beats the Orlando Solar Bears:

That's tough, gotta admit.