Best fight: Ha Seung-Jin vs. Nedzad Sinanovic at a pre-season workout in Portland. (Two 7-footers going at, one brandishing a wooden pole and one screaming, “I’ll sue! I’ll sue!” afterwards. Classic.)
Worst fight: Jermaine O’Neal vs. Udonis Haslem. (Udonis takes out his mouthpiece to talk smack, then immediately puts it back in, probably remembering it might be useful in a fight. O’Neal, meanwhile, exudes an “I do not need another fight/brawl on my hands,” aura. In the end, nothing happened.)
Practical Joke of the Year: Andrew Bynum’s teammates replacing his locker-room chair with a baby blue toddler’s chair.
Ben Wallace “Inflatable Defender” Award: Chris Mihm, for getting dunked on every time we turn on a Laker game.
Ice Cube “Barbershop” Award: Jared Jeffries, for making the best hair-related move of the season. A couple days after saying he wouldn’t lose his afro “unless Mama calls and tells me to cut it,” the ‘fro was suddenly gone. Looks like Moms called.
Don King “Get Thee to a Barbershop” Award: Chris Kaman, for making the worst hair-related move of the season by insisting on rocking the Hulk Hogan look.
M.O.P “Cold as Ice” Award: Kevin Burleson, for going on a 0-for-32 field goal slump that lasted for months.
Natalie Portman “V for Vendetta” Award: Gilbert Arenas, for always finding motivation to hang 40 points on teams, whether it be the coach not selecting him as an All-Star or the front office passing on him in the ’01 draft.
Sam Cassell “Giant Stones” Award: Carmelo Anthony, for hitting more game-winners and clutch shots than anyone in the L.
Terry McMillan “Disappearing Act” Award: Steve Francis, for dropping off the face of the Earth after being traded to New York.
I love the Inflatable Defender award
