"Where is my mind?" Ben Gordon in The Players' Tribune

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"Where is my mind?" Ben Gordon in The Players' Tribune

Postby Andrew on Sat Feb 22, 2020 3:50 pm

Where Is My Mind?

There was a point in time when I thought about killing myself every single day for about six weeks.

I would be up on the roof of my apartment building at four o’ clock in the morning, just pacing to the edge of the ledge, looking over — pacing back and forth, back and forth — just thinking, I’m really about to do it, B. I’m about to escape from all this shit.

This was right after my last year in the league, and I was living in a brownstone up in Harlem. I had lost my career, my identity, and my family all pretty much simultaneously. I was manic-depressive. I wasn’t eating. I wasn’t sleeping. And when I say I wasn’t sleeping, it was like a whole different level of insomnia. Every night, I’d wake up at the same time, like clockwork. And that’s when the demons would come out. When you’re up all night and it’s quiet and it’s just you alone with your deepest thoughts — that’s when the darkness really starts to take over your whole psyche.


It's a pretty intense read, but worth it. I'm glad that he managed to get help, that he didn't become another tragic story and that he's speaking out so that others can get help as well. It's' good to hear that he's in a better frame of mind and turning things around.

It felt like his career ended rather abruptly, all things considered. I reckon he'd thrive in today's league as well; arguably he came along too early. As long-time Forum members may remember, he became my favourite active player during the Baby Bulls' run, and I was sorry to see him leave in 2009. His career was never quite the same after that, though it pales in comparison to what he was dealing with internally. Once again, it's great to read that he was able to step back from the ledge - literally and metaphorically - and turn things around. More power to him.
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Re: "Where is my mind?" Ben Gordon in The Players' Tribune

Postby cavs4872 on Thu Feb 27, 2020 6:46 pm

Wow, what a read.

Tragedy aside, this is a guy I would love to see get a MyTEAM card, and just hearing his name makes me want to rekindle my Live 10 dynasty.
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Re: "Where is my mind?" Ben Gordon in The Players' Tribune

Postby Andrew on Thu Feb 27, 2020 7:28 pm

I'd like to have him back in the game, too. Maybe a 2009 Bulls team, too.
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