NELLIEBALL! | Finished.

A collection of memorable Association and My Player stories.

Re: NELLIEBALL! | The 2010 NBA Champions Are...

Postby megarover on Mon Jun 21, 2010 7:10 am

Martti. wrote:
Lamrock wrote:"Fucking Rondo! I will fuck your mother's shit!"


Classic Darko. :)


+1 that was pretty funny
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Re: NELLIEBALL! | Chapter 7...

Postby Clutch on Mon Jun 21, 2010 7:59 am

STAT + Nashty reunited = (Y)
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Re: NELLIEBALL! | Chapter 7...

Postby mp3 on Tue Jun 22, 2010 5:54 am

Hope i never have to see a pic of Glen Davis like that again !
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Re: NELLIEBALL! | Chapter 7...

Postby Mark. on Tue Jun 22, 2010 11:54 am

Loving the stroy dude, glad this one is still running (Y)
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Re: NELLIEBALL! | Chapter 7...

Postby Lamrock on Thu Jul 01, 2010 12:57 pm

Nellieball Chronicles


Chapter 8: Leverage

After faking his own death, Monta Ellis turned out to be alive, and threatened to thwart the Warriors' plans of signing Amar'e Stoudemire. Liam Washburn and Charles Barkley were discussing their options. After an unsuccessful half hour, Liam got an idea.
"You know Chuck, Monta is into rapping. Maybe we can appease him by building a recording studio in the building for real? Really state-of-the-art, so that he'll be sure to stay invisible for a few weeks."
Charles scratched his chin in thought. "You know, that's not turrible. You think $50,000 will cover it?"
Better make it 100", Liam smirked.
"Alright, 100 it is. There's something else I want to discuss though..." Billy Knight walked into the room. "After this whole Monta thing goes down, I'm gonna need you to resign. Billy here will take over the reigns." Knight stuck out his tongue to gloat.
Liam calmly responded, "Well, what does that do for me? I don't have a contract after this season"
Charles sighed. "Well, the NBA is a business. You've done a good job, but after this Monta fiasco, we'll have to part ways."
"I want a $5,000,000 extension before you fire me. I'm not going out for nothing, Chuck."
Barkley laughed. "That's turrible. Why in the world would I do that?"
Liam sighed. "I didn't want to do this, but here it goes". Liam then pulled out a picture of Barkley driving while drinking a 40 in one hand with a newspaper dated June 25, 2010 in the other.
"You wouldn't."
"I would."
"3 million."
"Four."
"6!", Billy Knight interjected.
"God damn it Billy!", Barkley cursed,
"Six million it is, chuck. I'd like it over four years, if possible," Liam said coolly, leaving the room.

Warriors scout Travis Schlenk and Liam Washburn were talking.
"So, you got my money?, Schlenk asked.
"Yeah, I got your 100 G's", replied Washburn.
"100?! I asked for 400! Do you want your precious secret to get out? You'll never work again!"
"You're asking to get your ass beaten. Take it or leave it, dickshit. I've killed for less."
Schlenk reached out for the check, then Liam yanked it away. "Sorry Trevor, but it seems you may not have so much leverage after all", Liam said with a smirk, as a mousy blond woman entered the room.
"What do you mean, asshole?", replied Schlenk.
"Deborah here tells me you have been harassing here sexually."
"WHAT THE FUCK?! I've never seen this woman in my life!", cried Schlenk.
"Tell it to the judge, unless... you want to settle perhaps?"
"Fuck. Fine. I'm sorry for calling you cunt-tits, Deborah. Will you drop it?"
Deborah flipped him off and left. "So here's the deal Trevor-"
"Its Trav-"
"Shut the fuck up. Here's how its gonna go, Terry. You're going to announce yourself as the editor of The Warrior Zone, and never mention this again. And may this be a lesson to you. Stop disrespecting women like Cunt-Ti- I mean Deborah," Liam said, dramatically.
"Okay," Schlenk replied sadly.

"You really think you're worth a max bird rights contract? I don't know Amar'e. I'll talk sign-and-trade, but you may need to come down on the price if you want to play with your precious Nash again", Liam said.
"I'm getting a max contract. End of story.", Stoudemire said, hanging up.
"Fuck!", exclaimed Liam, who went on ESPN Trade Checker to devise a sign-and-trade deal. After an unsuccessful hour, he went on to RealGM, and saw a proposed deal with Andris Biedrins and LaMarcus Aldridge. "It's perfect."
Washburn then earned his $6 million in one night, pulling off a coup of a trade, dealing Chase Budinger, Rudy Fernandez and the #14 pick to Indiana for Nicolas Batum and Gani Lawal.
Liam extended friend Salim Stoudamire to a $20 million contract far exceeding his worth, sticking it to Barkley, then included him in a sign-and-trade, which sent him and LaMarcus Aldridge to Chicago, an also re-signed Darko Milicic and Andris Biedrins to Portland, and Amar'e Stoudemire to the Warriors.
Washburn finished by signing Raja Bell, Kyle Korver and Sean Williams to marginal deals, and extending Anthony Morrow.
"I'm a motherfucking cap guru!", Liam exclaimed before falling asleep.

It was still two weeks until the Amar'e deal went through, so Liam made sure to cover his bases. He invited Monta and Jax to a "real" unveiling of the recording studio.
"Alright, this is it," Liam said, leading Jax and Monta into the basement.
"Yo, I still don't see it dawg. Do I be trippin'", asked a perplexed Monta Ellis.
Liam slammed the door, and locked it. "See you in two weeks, guys. Oh, and I filled all your guns with blanks Stephen."
Stephen mumbled "Not the hidden one", before pulling a pistol out of his shoe, shooting it, and saying "DAMN IT!"
"That was easy", Liam said, walking away to watch the draft, which saw the Pacers take John Wall #1, as well as the Blazers taking Thierry Tirieux 24th, then trading him to Spurs, who dealt him to the Kings, who dealt him to the Celtics, who dealt him to the Nets, who dealt him to the Pacers, who dealt him to the Heat, who dealt him to the Grizzlies, who dealt him to the Hornets, who finally dealt him back to the Blazers. Tirieux then opted not to sign with the Blazers, instead deciding to pursue a sports journalism career. Long story short, he has just entered med school.

As expected, Ellis and Jackson were freed on July 9, after all of the Warriors' excellent moves had been finalized. Washburn was fired, and he "mourned" his job by using his newfound funds to purchase a Dodge Viper. Billy Knight was sworn in as general manager, and his first move sent Monta to the Bobcats for Tyson Chandler's expiring.
Liam stole a nackpack full of pens, copper wire and printer paper, then drove away into the sunset, unsure of what the future would bring, and loving it.
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Re: NELLIEBALL! | Chapter 8 (The Turrible Final Chapter)

Postby dare on Thu Jul 01, 2010 1:41 pm

You ruined your GM career man :lol: Thierry might be the only player who has the most teams without playing a single game.
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Re: NELLIEBALL! | Chapter 7...

Postby spiderxx7 on Thu Jul 01, 2010 2:16 pm

Lamrock wrote:the Blazers taking Thierry Tirieux 24th, then trading him to Spurs, who dealt him to the Kings, who dealt him to the Celtics, who dealt him to the Nets, who dealt him to the Pacers, who dealt him to the Heat, who dealt him to the Grizzlies, who dealt him to the Hornets, who finally dealt him back to the Blazers. Tirieux then opted not to sign with the Blazers, instead deciding to pursue a sports journalism career. Long story short, he has just entered med school.[/size]


Brilliant man. You really think I wanted to stop all those threads and re-make all those index posts? :shake: I just need the things to happen like I plan them at the beginning, or I go berserk. :(
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Re: NELLIEBALL! | Chapter 8 (The Turrible Final Chapter)

Postby shadowgrin on Thu Jul 01, 2010 2:42 pm

Blazers taking Thierry Tirieux 24th, then trading him to Spurs, who dealt him to the Kings, who dealt him to the Celtics, who dealt him to the Nets, who dealt him to the Pacers, who dealt him to the Heat, who dealt him to the Grizzlies, who dealt him to the Hornets, who finally dealt him back to the Blazers. Tirieux then opted not to sign with the Blazers, instead deciding to pursue a sports journalism career. Long story short, he has just entered med school.

:lol:

Thierry. wrote:Brilliant man. You really think I wanted to stop all those threads and re-make all those index posts? :shake: I just need the things to happen like I plan them at the beginning, or I go berserk. :(

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HE'S USING HYPNOSIS!
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Re: NELLIEBALL! | Chapter 8 (The Turrible Final Chapter)

Postby Valor on Thu Jul 01, 2010 4:13 pm

Shit, this is awesome :lol:
Kinda sad that you are going to end this, but i've got to say....you have got to be the best humor story writer in the NLSC (Y)
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Re: NELLIEBALL! | Chapter 8 (The Turrible Final Chapter)

Postby Lamrock on Thu Jul 01, 2010 4:25 pm

dare, Ruin my GM career? I turned the Warriors into contenders and extorted millions of dollars. Some downtrodden team will want me. (Y)

Thierry., Cool story bro.
'
Valor, Thanks Valor. Thought this chapter was a little weak, but it gets the job done. Thanks for the compliment. First place in a field of one. I'll take it. This is coming to a close and hopefully makes the Hall of Fame, hint hint, but it's had a good long run, and you never know, you could see a new Lamrock thread under the old dynasty tree.

Couple more posts to fully wrap this up on their way. Many thanks to all the followers. Didn't actually think there would be a page 18, but here we are. :applaud:
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Re: NELLIEBALL! | Chapter 8 (The Turrible Final Chapter)

Postby |)e8* on Thu Jul 01, 2010 7:31 pm

Lol good job with the thierry thing
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Re: NELLIEBALL! | Chapter 8 (The Turrible Final Chapter)

Postby Martti. on Thu Jul 01, 2010 7:42 pm

Great stuff with Thierry. (Y) Nice job blackmailing Barkley also.
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Re: NELLIEBALL! | Chapter 8 (The Turrible Final Chapter)

Postby hova- on Thu Jul 01, 2010 10:47 pm

Need to post here. ;) Awesome D you got there. Let's wait for 2k11 when we will again start a lot of stories because the game is so "awesome" and then just notice that you can still throw every pass into the paint and there is still no CPU defense ;)
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Re: NELLIEBALL! | Chapter 8 (The Turrible Final Chapter)

Postby Clutch on Fri Jul 02, 2010 1:30 am

Washburn was fired, and he "mourned" his job by using his newfound funds to purchase a Dodge Viper. Billy Knight was sworn in as general manager, and his first move sent Monta to the Bobcats for Tyson Chandler's expiring.
Liam stole a nackpack full of pens, copper wire and printer paper, then drove away into the sunset, unsure of what the future would bring, and loving it.


excellent :applaud:

does this mean the 'Cats may be Wasburn's next victi..mmm...err... Franchise?

looking fwd to the final wrap up & launch of the new secret endeavor you've mentioned in the past ;)

Hope it's finally the Blazers so you can show you-know-who how it's done ;]
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Re: NELLIEBALL! | Chapter 8 (The Turrible Final Chapter)

Postby megarover on Fri Jul 02, 2010 5:08 am

Good way to end the story. The harassment part was pretty funny :D
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Re: NELLIEBALL! | Chapter 8 (The Turrible Final Chapter)

Postby spiderxx7 on Fri Jul 02, 2010 5:58 am

Clutch wrote:Hope it's finally the Blazers so you can show you-know-who how it's done ;]


Not me, right?

:facepalm:
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Re: NELLIEBALL! | Chapter 8 (The Turrible Final Chapter)

Postby Lamrock on Sun Jul 04, 2010 7:25 pm

Just a clarification, I have no plans to go another season with this. I do however, plan on simming a season or two. Figured I'd post hos the offseason went, as I've grown attached to this virtual NBA.

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LeBron Re-Signing, Wade to Clippers, Bosh To Detroit Highlight Free Agency
Image July 20, 2010 - The Knicks wasted two seasons tanking and clearing cap space for the 2010 free agency bonanza (though they probably would have sucked anyway). I'm sure Joe Johnson and Tyrus Thomas wasn't exactly what they had in mind. Indeed, after all signs pointed to his departure, LeBron James, the focal point of the free agent, opted to re-sign with his team. "I got unfinished business here. Also, the Cavs have bird rights." However, other big names were more willing to leave their teams.

Former Raptors and Rockets forward Chris Bosh stunned the league by signing with the Detroit Pistons, who had cleared a great deal of cap space after trading Rip Hamilton to Cleveland. He and fellow signing Rudy Gay joins an talented young roster which includes Rodney Stuckey, DeMar DeRozan and Chris Kaman (acquired for Tayshaun Prince). Also, the Clippers signed superstar guard Dwyane Wade. The Heat responded by signing washed up guard Tracy McGrady, and extended washed-up big man Jermaine O'Neal.

One-time All-NBA first teamer Amar'e Stoudemire was signed and traded to the Golden State Warriors in a three-team deal sending LaMarcus Aldridge and Salim Stoudamire to Chicago, and Andris Biedrins to Portland. Stoudemire reportedly only wanted to play for the Bulls on the condition they signed LeBron, which they did not. Rounding out free agency were the aforementioned Knicks signings, as well as long-time Dallas Maverick Dirk Nowitzki signing an extension, despite the team's having missed the previous post-season. This off-season will be known for its quality over its quantity, as very few minor deals of note were made. The Clippers were the consensus winners of the 2010 free agency period, followed by the Pistons.


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Clippers Dominate 2010 Offseason, Become A Contender
Image July 28, 2010 - Everybody who voted for Liam Washburn over Mike Dunleavy (myself included) must be feeling pretty stupid right about now. While Warriors GM Liam Washburn was ousted after one of his players spent six months thought dead (though he admittedly had a pretty good offseason), Mike Dunleavy may have constructed a dynasty. The Clippers, formerly a perennial laughing stock, returned to respectability with a 45 win season, and now appear to be a lock to improve on that.

Dunleavy's trade deadline wizardry yielded an abundance of cap space for the Clippers. It would go to good use, as it got them 2006 Finals MVP and six time all-star Dwyane Wade. Marcus Camby was also extended, and combo forward Travis Outlaw was signed. One of the burning questions about the Wade acquisition was the emergence of Eric Gordon, and how he would fit into a guard rotation with Wade. Baron Davis and Ramon Sessions. A deal which sent #19 pick Gordon Hayward, Craig Smith and Gordon to the Indiana Pacers for former #1 pick center Greg Oden answered it.

Whether or not Oden can stay on the court and live up to his potential remains to be seen. However, the formidable frontcourt of top picks Oden and Blake Griffin is intriguing to say the least. Their starting five of Baron, Wade, Andrei Kirilenko, Griffin and Oden is arguably the most stacked in the league. Their bench, which includes Sessions, Outlaw and Camby is unfair. Mike Dunleavy had put out all the stops and has built a true contender in the Clips. However, whether or not they can overcome the Clipper curse remains to be seen.


The Warrior Zone wrote:
|---THE WARRIOR ZONE---|

2010 Offseason In Review

August 14, 2010 - As the dust settles, I, Travis Schlenk, have let the events of this off-season process. I am now extremely excited for this team's future. We are coming off an immensely successful season, and now have a restocked bench, and another perennial all-star in the line-up. It is very sad to see Liam Washburn go. He did quite an excellent job, and one can only hope that Billy Knight does not mess it up.

Basically, we saw us trade Beans and Salim for Amar'e Stoudemire, and Chase, Rudy and the 14th for my man Nicolas Batum, before filling our bench. Amar'e should be an exceptional fit next to Randolph, benefit from Nash's presence, and add another element to our team, even if it means sacrificing some defense and rebounding. Batum (who will start) makes up for this somewhat, being an excellent young perimeter defender. He, Anthony and Rubio should be this team's core for years to come. Furthermore, Raja Bell is Nash's best friend, while Kyle Korver and Sean Williams do what they do.

Image Image
Welcome to Golden State, guys

The return of Monta Ellis was bizarre. It's nice to see him alive, but it was bad form on his part (to say the least), and un-retiring his jersey number will be a hassle. His place in the offense, even with Fernandez's departure, was gone, and I was not sad to see him dealt. Tyson Chandler (and his expiring) and a first is a good trade for Monta's drama. I wish him and the Bobcats the best of luck.

We didn't draft anybody, but there is more than enough talent on this roster to watch develop. This should be a fun year, and its all thanks to Liam Washburn. I look forward to seeing Amar'e dominate, Randolph become the next KG, Rubio ease into Nash's role, and the team returning to its glory days. I know, people say its best to be cautiously optimistic, but fuck that. I love the Warriors, and we're about to be awesome next year.


Projected Depth Chart:

PG: Steve Nash | Ricky Rubio
SG: Anthony Morrow | Raja Bell | Kyle Korver
SF: Nicolas Batum | Stephen Jackson
PF: Anthony Randolph | Gani Lawal | Sean Williams
C: Amar'e Stoudemire | Joel Przybilla
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Re: NELLIEBALL! | 2010 Offseason Review

Postby Martti. on Mon Jul 05, 2010 3:00 am

Great acquisitions, especially STAT and Batum!

Wade to the Clippers? The Clippers??
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Re: NELLIEBALL! | 2010 Offseason Review

Postby Cartar on Mon Jul 05, 2010 7:58 am

Don't really care much about Amar'e, but love the Batum acquisition, he'll be awesome (I'm on his bandwagon, just like you). If I'm not mistaken you aqcuired Tyson Chandler, but I don't see him in your depth chart?
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Re: NELLIEBALL! | 2010 Offseason Review

Postby spiderxx7 on Mon Jul 05, 2010 8:54 am

Cartar wrote:If I'm not mistaken you aqcuired Tyson Chandler, but I don't see him in your depth chart?


I assume Lamrock let him go after acquiring his expiring contract... great additions in Amare and Batum (Y)
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Re: NELLIEBALL! | 2010 Offseason Review

Postby Clutch on Mon Jul 05, 2010 2:53 pm

Clippers look like a definite contender coming from the West... can't say the same for your squad but at least they'll be an exciting team to watch (which ironically holds true to RL Warriors' front office thinking and MO)... Capt'n Jack off the bench to Batum is sure to set off internal fireworks though lol
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Re: NELLIEBALL! | 2010 Offseason Review

Postby Lamrock on Tue Jul 06, 2010 5:16 am

Thierry's right. Chandler was bought out. I think these Warriors look pretty good. Not the best defensive team, but Rubio, Batum and Meal Ticket are great on that front, while they're unstoppable offensively. Not sure if its as good of a roster as the Clippers' though.

Might have a few more sporadic updates for this before I start my new dynasty. Would love to see it get over 900 posts.
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Re: NELLIEBALL! | 2010 Offseason Review

Postby Hyperize- on Tue Jul 06, 2010 2:15 pm

Stoudemire should be a good fit for you guys. I like seeing him and Nash paired up again. (Y) You have a nice mix of young and veteran talent on that roster.
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Re: NELLIEBALL! | 2010 Offseason Review

Postby Lamrock on Wed Jul 07, 2010 10:14 am

Nellieball Chronicles


Epilogue

"How could you fire me? I got us to the playoffs... TWICE!"
The man was preaching to a table of mostly elderly, uncomfortable looking businessmen.
"Please sit down Bryan," said one of them.
Bryan retorted, [i]"No, you sit down!"

I am seated. You're a loose cannon Bryan. Not only are you a poor general manager, but you aren't fit to work here. I'll be needing your gun and badge, the man said curtly.
"You'll be sorry!", Bryan said, storming out. He then called Billy Knight "Still need an assistant GM, my good friend?"

The businessman turned to face his colleagues. "So... What's the status of Kevin Pritchard?"
"Well, Frank, its not looking good. Gist of the interview was that he didn't want to pay taxes or deal with such a bad roster."
"What exactly did he say, Barry?"
Barry sighed, then made air quotes "Fuck that... er, shit"
Frank replied "Oh. What about Jeff Bower?"
"Hospital. Was on vacation, and some walrus hunters accidentally shot him"
Frank squeezed the bridge of his nose. "Well, what about Liam Washburn?

After being fired from his Warriors job, Liam, Salim Stoudamire and Darko Milicic decided to take a road trip, celebrating their new contracts.
Liam and Darko were TP'ing Clay Bennett's Oklahoma City house and painting "SONICS", and "I WILL FUCK YOUR FAMILY'S SHIT" on his car windows when Washburn got a call.
"Liam, this is Richard Peddle, of Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment. Can you talk?"
Liam saw a neighbor calling the police and motioned for Darko to start the car. "Yeah, I'm not doing anything important"
"Excellent. How would you like to be the General Manager of the Toronto Raptors?
Liam stroked his chin "Well, the taxes-"
"No worries. We'll pay you more than any other franchise," Peddle offered.
"Well, the Minnesota Timberwolves were offering $100 million..."
Peddle laughed. "Why don't you come up here tomorrow?"
"Sounds good.," Liam said hanging up. He then dodged a bullet shot by now police officer Thierry Tirieux.
"Alright guys, we're going to Canada!"

Meanwhile, in Charlotte...
The Bocats were holding their first team practices of the season, and Larry Brown was pulling his hair out.
"So you can't guard opposing 1's OR 2's, Monta?" asked the coach.
"I'm Monta Ellis. I let my offense and phat rhymes do my talking."
Larry then threatened "No more rapping until you learn how to play defense."
"No!", Monta shrieked, leaving the court, and getting on his moped. He mumbled,
"I'm gonna fake my own death again..."

-fin-
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Re: NELLIEBALL! | Epilogue

Postby Fresh8 on Wed Jul 07, 2010 11:54 am

Good ending. Hope you enjoyed the road trip with Darko.

This was an enjoyable - if very on and off - association story. (Y)

Good work man. Looking forward to your next piece of work.
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