Bash.org is so great.

I think I might have posted this months ago, but I'm posting it again due to the fact that it's FUCKING HILARIOUS AND WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH UNLESS YOU HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOUR. Anyways, here are some favourites:

bash.org

<i8b4uUnderground> d-_-b
<BonyNoMore> how u make that inverted b?
<BonyNoMore> wait
<BonyNoMore> never mind

<T-Wolf> man, my girlfriend left me for some faggot named robert
<RdAwG20> you don't live in Hope mills do you?
<T-Wolf> ya, why man?
<RdAwG20> lol, just wondering, was her namne alisson?
<T-Wolf> you mother fucker

<NES> lol
<NES> I download something from Napster
<NES> And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading it from me when I'm done
<NES> I message him and say "What are you doing? I just got that from you"
<NES> "getting my song back fucker"

<JonTG> Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z
<JonTG> wait, shit

<WiLdSeXyPrInCeSs> i luv guyz where would they be wifout us gals???
<XeNoX> Still in the Garden Of Eden you gullible bitch.

<MasterG> .....................................................................
..................................
<judas> where's pacman when you need him?

<Sigurd> a sprite is anything not static
<SRElysian> a sprite is a variable object
<SRElysian> be it 2d or 3d
<TorMuck> a sprite is a fucking soda
<TorMuck> you god damn geekass bastards

<DigiGnome> Real life should have a fucking search function, or something.
<DigiGnome> I need my socks.

:lol: Oh, man! Great, simply great site!
I love these two:

<@Chin^> My sister caught me jacking off the other week and calls me a pervert
<@Chin^> just the other day i walked into my room and caught my sister masturbating
<@Chin^> So she calls me a pervert again?!?
<@Chin^> there is no justice in the world...

<skrike> I think the people above me are having sex
<skrike> either that or they're sleeping restlessly and agreeing with each other a lot.

Thank you, Jaesus!

A-Z

Some that I enjoyed. Truly hilarious...

<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks?
<TheXPhial> vaccuums
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
<TheXPhial> black holes
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what just isn't cool?
<TheXPhial> lava?

<anamexis> oh man
<anamexis> I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile (~mbeefpile@cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined #themacmind
<anamexis> and it exploded
<anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
<anamexis> but I got it away just in time
<-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)
<anamexis> :<

<tag> Ouroboros: lets play Pong
<Ouroboros> Ok.
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> . |
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> . |
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> | .
<Ouroboros> Whoops

<[TN]FBMachine> i got kicked out of barnes and noble once for moving all the bibles into the fiction section

<studdud> what the fuck is wtf

<turno> I want to fuck Michelle's brains out with my huge fucking cock, over and over again .. and then her sister can come and join us too.
<Seeker> Err turno, your mom reads the quotes on bash.org?
<turno> I'll fucking KILL YOU! !
<Seeker> Your mom does work for the church ? If she reads what you just said she'd be pretty angry right?
<turno> Dude you have no fucking clue, don't seriously... you'd be ruining my life.
<Seeker> Don't worry, I won't post it.
[Privmsg] <Seeker> Hey dude, I'm gonna paste something - will you post it on bash.org?
[Privmsg] <opiate> the turno thing? haha you fucking bastard!!
[Privmsg] <Seeker> hehe his mom's gonna fucking kill him, drag him to that church they go to and get the priest to sodomise him.
[Privmsg] <opiate> yeah and then he's gonna come fucking kill us, still I reckon it's worth it;)
[Privmsg] <turno> You're not gonna post it are you ? Please don't .. I'm begging you.
[Privmsg] <Seeker> I'm not gonna post it:) and even if I did she'd never know that your nick turno was her son Michael Savu .
[Privmsg] <turno> *phew* spose you have a point

<Jeedo> hey baby, whats up?
<Indidge> umm....nothing?
<Jeedo> So....want me to like come over today so we can fuck?
<Indidge> Wait....did you want to speak to my daughter?
<Jeedo> Yes Mrs.Miller.. :-/

<MooseOnDaLoose> Hey Mike
<goatboy> what?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> er?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> and?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> ...
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> i dont get it
<MooseOnDaLoose> AND YOU NEVER WILL.
<goatboy> bastard

<[TN]FBMachine> i got kicked out of barnes and noble once for moving all the bibles into the fiction section

<Sui88> 67% of girls are stupid
<V-girl> i belong with the other 13%

<cassius_clay13> so I was with my friend bryan the other night in a bar
<cassius_clay13> well he got really drunk and said he was gonna puke
<cassius_clay13> so i helped him walk to the toilet
<cassius_clay13> all the stalls were occupied
<emoti_conartist> lol
<cassius_clay13> bryan is a rugby player... so a big guy
<cassius_clay13> so he fucking KICKS one of the stall doors open
<cassius_clay13> and there's this guy in there taking a shit
<emoti_conartist> hahahahahaha
<cassius_clay13> and bryan throws up ALL OVER HIM
<cassius_clay13> then (this is genius) bryan thinks 'oh shit... if i were taking a shit and someone came in and was sick all over me, i'd want to fuck him up... so i'd better hit him first'
<cassius_clay13> so he fucking SMACKS this guy in the face
<cassius_clay13> and runs away
<cassius_clay13> imagine being that guy... WORST NIGHT OUT EVER

< robT> Name ONE thing that your windows comp can do that my MAC cant
< bawss> Right click.

<calin> we had a guy at school that wore black lipstick.. and was all gothy.. and then one day we caught him buying an assvibrator
<ecoli> ew.
<ecoli> wait, you "caught" him?
<ecoli> like, you were behind him in line at the assvibrator store?
<Aero> he doesnt answer
*** Quits: calin (No route to host)

<Fenris> My mom found me perusing bash.org and looking up quotes about incest, and was like OMG!
<Fenris> Now she actually goes there regularly to make sure there aren't any new text words that have been searched for
<Fenris> I saw her looking at the site yesterday, and was like, "WTF??"
<Fenris> And she said she was just checking to see what kind of stuff I look at online.
<Fenris> I swear, someday I'm just going to rape that bitch.
<ctone> ...
<ctone> now theres a quote for bash.org
<Fenris> Don't you fucking dare.

<kyourek> There was a 23% drop in temperature.
<nappyjallapy> That's almost 25%!
<kyourek> ... That was one of the most worthless comments I've ever heard.

<+kritical> christin: you need to learn how to figure out stuff yourself..
<+Christin1> how do i do that

<Tedward> so there's this pimp right. he's collecting money from his three ho's.
<Tedward> he goes to the first ho and asks for his $100. she says, "But I only owe you $50!"
<Tedward> he slaps her and says, "don't correct me, bitch!"
<Tedward> he asks the next ho for $150. she says, "But I only owe you $100!"
<Tedward> he slaps her and says, "don't correct me, bitch!"
<Tedward> now he goes to his third ho.
<Tedward> he asks for $200. "but I only owe you $150!"
<Tedward> he slaps her and says, "don't correct me, bitch!"
<Tedward> next he visits the fourth ho.
<Tedward> he asks her for his $250.
<Thy_Dungeonman> hold on, wait a sec
<Tedward> what?
<Thy_Dungeonman> you said three ho's, not four. idioth.
*Tedward slaps Thy_Dungeonman
<Tedward> Don't correct me, bitch.

* Quits: crag-- (crag@202.154.72.136) (Dead girls dont say no)
* Quits: KiM (KiM@134.115.157.196) (going for a walk :p)
<@ShowDowN> that is sick
<@ShowDowN> we should ban him next time he comes in
<@nekro> yeah, who the hell goes for walks

<pihlopase> Jesus Saves
<jbroome> passes to moses, SCOOOOORE

<Fireslide> next person to talk after his line will be kicked
<Fireslide> *this
* Fireslide was kicked by Fireslide (12‹61912›)

<YuFFie> SO U HACKING ME THEN HUH
<YuFFie> WElL I GOT NEWS FOR U MISTER I GOT MORE FIREWALL POWERS NOW SO IM SECURE AND IM USING WINDOWS 98 SO IM REALLY SECURE FROM HACKERS LIKE YOU SO YOU BETTA JUST GIVE UP CUZ U GOT NO HOPE MISTER.
* YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) Quit (Quit: Owned.)
* YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #
<YuFFie> HELP MY MOUSE IS MOVING BY IT SELF

I remember coming across some of these one one of those links talking about the top internet quotes, though most are new to me. Hilarious stuff Nice find Jae

< robT> Name ONE thing that your windows comp can do that my MAC cant
< bawss> Right click.

That's not funny. It's not even true.

<pihlopase> Jesus Saves
<jbroome> passes to moses, SCOOOOORE

* Quits: crag-- (crag@202.154.72.136) (Dead girls dont say no)
* Quits: KiM (KiM@134.115.157.196) (going for a walk :p)
<@ShowDowN> that is sick
<@ShowDowN> we should ban him next time he comes in
<@nekro> yeah, who the hell goes for walks

Shades of Joey Tribbiani.

I thought the topic was about bashing dotorg. Quite misleading title.

The ones about the pimp and bible are just hilarious.

<MftS> Who the fuck is the one naming hurricanes?
<MftS> They somehow manage to give them the least threatening names ever.
<MftS> If I turned on the news and heard that Hurricane Erin was coming I'd think to myself, "Erin? I could take that slut."
<MftS> If I turned on the news and heard that Hurricane Dicksmasher was approaching, I'd grab all the money in the house, shove it in my pockets, and get the fuck out of there.

<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<phxl|paper> and DANCE
* nmp3bot dances -<
* nmp3bot dances |-<
* nmp3bot dances /-<
<[SA]HatfulOfHollow> i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet

<@Thrawn> They did a test in our local riot police lately
<@Thrawn> You know, the one where you have to put creatively shaped wooden pegs in corresponding holes
<@Thrawn> Turns out they have 2 kinds of persons in our riot police
<@Thrawn> Very stupid persons
<@Thrawn> And very strong persons

<Hara> The old USSR had one single time zone too. They had a hammer and sickle in the ground near the Kremlin and used it like a sundial.
<Hara> Arguments raged for years as to what to call the timezone
<Hara> Moscow Time?
<Hara> Comrade Time?
<Hara> In the end they all agreed.
<Hara> Hammer Time.

For you pothead fans:

<xchlathx> "Dumbledore returns from the dead and declares it to be hammertime, Harry proceeds to break it down, Voldemort is unable to touch this."

< robT> Name ONE thing that your windows comp can do that my MAC cant
< bawss> Right click.

As Michael Jackson from South Park would say, "That's ignorant."

Anyway, I was laughing so hard from some of the quotes. Wasn't expecting much, but this is as funny as the bloodninja ones

Jaesus has made his Second Coming!

We're finally getting to bash? I guess that means we can bring up:
http://www.fugly.com/victims/

And rebring up:

Bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.

http://forums.shoutwire.com/archive/ind ... -1100.html
And I'll quote these...

<Ben174> : If they only realized 90% of the overtime they pay me is only cause i like staying here playing with Kazaa when the bandwidth picks up after hours.
<ChrisLMB> : If any of my employees did that they'd be fired instantly.
<Ben174> : Where u work?
<ChrisLMB> : I'm the CTO at LowerMyBills.com
*** Ben174 (BenWright@TeraPro33-41.LowerMyBills.com) Quit (Leaving)

<Patrician|Away> what does your robot do, sam
<bovril> it collects data about the surrounding environment, then discards it and drives into walls

<ckx> women ask for it
<ckx> they act all old and mature
<ckx> and then you stick your cock up their ass
<ckx> and they get all bitchy
<ckx> "I"M ONLY 13, I'M ONLY 13!!!"

<_kr4m3r> so many fucking criminals, its bullshit
<foniks`> heh, if we sent all the criminals to some empty continent and just left them there to die
<foniks`> and showed up like 50yrs later like, "sup?"
<foniks`> whatd u think they'd say?
<FoSZoR[bg]> something along the lines of, "G`Day mate"

<scirDSL> I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.

<Stormrider> I should bomb something
<Stormrider> ...and it's off the cuff remarks like that that are the reason I don't log chats
<Stormrider> Just in case the FBI ever needs anything on me
<Elzie_Ann> I'm sure they can just get it from someone who DOES log chats.
*** FBI has joined #gamecubecafe
<FBI> We saw it anyway.
*** FBI has quit IRC (Quit: )

<Fulgore> whats the complement to a 43 degree angle?
<sparks> My you're looking "acute" today
<Fulgore> fuck you

<Fashykekes> Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.."

Mike3285: wtf is a palindrome
MaroonSand: no its not dude

random girl: hey!
me: ...hi?
me: who is this?
random girl: Jessica, I saw u on myspace
random girl: ur hot
me: thanks
random girl: np
me: this girl keeps bugging me, but I don't want to talk to her
me: what should I do?
random girl: make up sum excuse, like ur mom is kickin u off or sumthing
me: oh alright
me: I have to go
me: my mom is kicking me off
me: bye

<tomfoolery> there's a small fire burning in my room
<beretta> lemme guess im supposed to act suprised that you're telling us and not making any attempt to extinguish it, so i can submit it to bash where it will join the ranks of the other "SOMETHING CATOSTROPHIC HAPPENED SO I CAME TO TELL YOU GUYS ON IRC FIRST INSTEAD OF ATTEMPTING TO DEFUSE THE HOSTILE SITUATION" quotes that are grossly abundant, similar, and overrated. and despite a new one is submitted each week and only the location of the fire is altered, loyal viewers firmly believe it is a unique and hilarious quotation, pledging support in the form of unneccesary votes

Of course, none of that can compare to evilsarahbitch's new found dog on fugly...or her abortion and it's classic line:

EvilSarahBitch: The little fucker wouldn't stop wearing my shoes.

<Fashykekes> Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.."

I think that one should be included as a reminder in the NLSC forum rules.

Quote:
<cassius_clay13> so I was with my friend bryan the other night in a bar
<cassius_clay13> well he got really drunk and said he was gonna puke
<cassius_clay13> so i helped him walk to the toilet
<cassius_clay13> all the stalls were occupied
<emoti_conartist> lol
<cassius_clay13> bryan is a rugby player... so a big guy
<cassius_clay13> so he fucking KICKS one of the stall doors open
<cassius_clay13> and there's this guy in there taking a shit
<emoti_conartist> hahahahahaha
<cassius_clay13> and bryan throws up ALL OVER HIM
<cassius_clay13> then (this is genius) bryan thinks 'oh shit... if i were taking a shit and someone came in and was sick all over me, i'd want to fuck him up... so i'd better hit him first'
<cassius_clay13> so he fucking SMACKS this guy in the face
<cassius_clay13> and runs away
<cassius_clay13> imagine being that guy... WORST NIGHT OUT EVER


Truly hilarious. Could you imagine being the guy on the toilet? Good lord.

http://www.fugly.com/victims/

Man, oh man! This site is hilarious, I cannot stop laughing!

EDIT: The abortion one is gold

Last edited by Joe' on Mon Aug 27, 2007 7:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

Man, with fugly.com, I could spend hours reading and laughing. My life is complete!

Btw, the read with Jeezuz FreeK is an interesting look at the mind of a fundamentalist Christian.

<Fashykekes> Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.."

I think that one should be included as a reminder in the NLSC forum rules.

Sauru is exempt from this rule, as his e-avatar is bigger than anybody else.

<Shovel> I ran across the worst named person in the world today...
<Shovel> I'm sitting in the waiting room at my doctor's office, waiting for a physical before I go off to college in a few weeks.
<Shovel> I'm a little early and there are other people in the waiting room so when the nurse comes out to call the next person I'm pretty sure it's not me.
<Shovel> She walks out of the hallway, looks down at her clipboard and immediately turns around and goes back behind the door.
<Shovel> She's obviously talking to some of the other nurses.
<Shovel> When she comes back about 30 seconds later, she looks at the clipboard, takes a deep breath and says: "Shithead O'Neal, the doctor's able to see you now."
<Shovel> A large black woman stands up quickly and yells in a surprsingly stereotypical black women voice "IT'S PRONOUNCED SHAW-THEED!"
<Shovel> She storms off after the nurse, who is apologizing very loudly and everyone in the waiting room just looks at each other and exchange a few laughs and snickers.

Haha, I laughed so much at "Shithead O'Neal"
Anyway, favorite quotes:

#171987 +(10156)- [X]

<Th3No0b> Im going to be the next hitler
<Th3No0b> Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
<RageAgainsttheAmish> why the clown
<Th3No0b> See? no one cares about the jews
<RageAgainsttheAmish> lmao

#368808 +(7968)- [X]

<@David> Yay I get laid today! Been a month.... needing it by now
<@Sony> ...........
<@Sony> TMI TMI TMI
<@David> Only a few hundred pounds but its better than nothing
<Malpine> Thanks for the info
<@David> eh?
<@David> damn i meant PAID
<@David> I get PAID today
<@David> dammit

#1730 +(6305)- [X]

<Mikkel> If you went camping and you got REALLY drunk with your friend and you
woke up the next morning with a condom stuck up your ass would you tell anybody?
<Celestya> i dont think so
<Mikkel> Wanna go camping?

#205195 +(6081)- [X]

<MortalKombat> stfu mat|t u cu.nt
* Acaila sets mode: +b MortalKombat!*@*
<@Acaila> FINISH HIM
<mat|t> rofl
<MortalKombat> omg wtf man
* MortalKombat was kicked by Acaila (forward, forward, back, back, forward, punch)
<@Acaila> FATALITY!

#426527 +(5142)- [X]

<green> We vegetarians love the environment. carnivores are sick freaks.
<Frank> How can vegetarians possibly love the environment.. you keep eating all the fucking plants

#163301 +(6627)- [X]

<BigBurk> God i really cant stand windows me
<Felacio> heh i know. i moved to win2k
* Felacio sucks huge cock
<Felacio> errr ME, not /me

Good stuff.

<DannyB> some girl on the street asked if i was saved yet
<DannyB> i told her i saved at the checkpoint a couple minutes back
<DannyB> and can reload from there if i die
<DannyB> she was confused

BloodNinja is classic

Girl: alright *PIC*
Girl: Did you get it?
Boy: Hold on. I'm looking.
Girl: That was me back in may
Girl: I've lost weight since then.
Boy: I hope so

Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
Boy: Not to mention all the groceries.

j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

DirtyKate:Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
Bloodninja:So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate:What the f**k?
DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t
DirtyKate:F**k

Jae, those first two Bloodninja quotes are also from fugly.com. There's one page there where they accused "Bloodninja" of stealing their stuff.

Best prank ever

<DeadMansHand> haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk
<DeadMansHand> we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first
<DeadMansHand> took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out
<DeadMansHand> i looked around for pete and he must've chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh
<DeadMansHand> What'd he say when he woke up this morning?
<Thirteen-> uhh.. he hasn't come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you?
<DeadMansHand> holy fuck.
<DeadMansHand> i fucking hope im wrong about what im thinking right now
<DeadMansHand> im fucking going back to the beach to make sure
<DeadMansHand> if he gets home, call me, i don't want to be worrying about this
<Thirteen-> will do. you better hope he's not still buried, you'll be in deep shit.
quit: (DeadMansHand)
<Tyran> wtf? pete came home last night you fuck. Ken's going to be worrying about this shit all day
<Thirteen-> haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts
join: (PeteRepeat) (bob@3F8C4655.11D1C8C.18637D35.IP)
<PeteRepeat> fucking ken
<PeteRepeat> ken... that fucker buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot
<quiqsilver> pete, ken didn't come back last night, i thought he was with you.
<PeteRepeat> oh fuck.
<PeteRepeat> if ken shows up, make sure he doesn't know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don't want him to think i care or anything.
quit: (PeteRepeat)
<Thirteen-> rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.
<Tyran> i can't beleive how perfect their timing was

I found this pretty funny.

<LordChewy> so my dad found my porn folder
<LordChewy> and he was getting all pissed
<LordChewy> so its all like "does this surprise you? i'm not stupid you know"
<LordChewy> "i know dad"
<LordChewy> "what do you have to say for yourself?"
<LordChewy> at this point i stare at him straight in the eyes and say "C:Documents and SettingsRickyMy Documentsfaxessent faxes"
<LordChewy> and he just shut up
<kingKahn> what is it?
<LordChewy> its his porn folder

From me and Pdub in the Laugh it Up thread which were taken from bash

<The831st> soy milk makes you gay
<The831st> everytime i drink soy milk i cant help but think "man, i'd much rather have a dick in my mouth than this."

<xterm> The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

<mage> what should I give sister for unzipping?
<Kevyn> Um. Ten bucks?
<mage> no I mean like, WinZip?

<death09>my girlfriend broke up with me and sent me pix of her and her new boyfriend in bed
<ktp753>ouch.
<death09>yeah.i sent them to her dad

<Sui88> 67% of girls are stupid
<V-girl> i belong with the other 13%

<NaStyChoC> hey babe asl?
<sweetangelic> hi, 14/f/aus ^^
<NaStyChoC> ive a real big cock..
<sweetangelic> o how big??
<NaStyChoC> 9in
<sweetangelic> dats prty big, mines only 8
<NaStyChoC> ok
<NaStyChoC> wait wtf

<James> i didn't know this sort of thing really happened, but the other day i came home from school early and walked in on my mom having sex with a ups guy.
<morningbell>What did you do?
<James> i hate my dad so i ordered a bunch of sh!t from the internet that will be delivered by ups.

<jeebus> the "bishop" came to our church today
<jeebus> he was a fecking impostor
<jeebus> never once moved diagonally

<Locl-Yocl> I helped the EMTs at a car wreck and got blood all over my arms and shirt. It looked like I murdered 20 people with a fork... anyway, I walked into a convieniance store down the street and said my girlfriend needs a tampon. The guy at the counter was mortified.

<scirDSL> I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.

Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
GarbageStan23: why?
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire!
GarbageStan23: oh shit!
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....
Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing...

Goddamn, I completely forgot about those sites. Thanks for posting all that, haven't had such a good laugh for weeks.


This one made me literally laugh out loud for a couple of minutes.

<karlmex> So a friend of mine got back from Amsterdam a few months back, after spending a stint there with a bunch of his mates. Told me quite possibly one of the funniest stories I’ve heard. They had picked up some shrooms and acid, and decided to take it in the wee hours of the morning, and spend the day exploring the city while they tripped…sure enough 20min into it, one of the group vanishes. So, after 7 or so hours of struggling to search for their lost friend, they decide it’d be best to head back to their hotel, sober up, regroup, and go looking when the gears worn off and they’d be of more use.
<tubs> lol k
<karlmex> Anyway, upon arrival at the hotel, surprise suprise they find their friend standing in the lobby, dazed and staring at the ceiling muttering to himself. Understandably they were all pissed off with him for making them worry and bringing their trip down as a result of their half assed search. However all the friend can reply with is “this fucking town is full of gremlins!”… They tried to calm him down and tell him that it was the acid making him hallucinate, to which he replied “I knew you’d say that so I captured one and locked it in the bathroom…”
<tubs> lol?
<karlmex> as you’d expect they thought he was losing the plot, but he insisted they come to his room and look for themselves. So, they head to the room, and sure enough, the bathroom door is baracaded shut with chairs, lamps, mattress and the bed…they're getting a little worried now, so they cautiously move the furniture away and inch the door open…
<tubs> and??
<karlmex> ...Laying on the floor is a 10 year old kid with Down syndrome grinning ear to ear.
<tubs> lol dude that's fucked up
<karlmex> The mate had come across one of those outing groups or retarded kids - freaked out, balled up one of those poor little bastards carried him back to the room and locked him in the bathroom for proof…
<tubs> lol god man
<karlmex> anyway, luckily the kid had one of those ID cards saying “hi my name is Ted, I live at blah blah” lol so yea, took the poor kid to the lobby, called the cops and did a runner before they arrived lol.

<Reverend> IRC is just multiplayer notepad.



<studdud> what the fuck is wtf



<Raven> I tried setting my hotmail password to penis.
<Raven> It said my password wasn't long enough.



Vrex989: know wonder you failed english

Worst copy/paste topic ever.

Worst copy/paste topic ever.

? Why is that?

We've seen worse