Ladies For Dummies
1. Walk straight and look ahead. You can't see the woman if you're looking at the ground. No matter what anyone tells you, the first step to any successful relationship, lifelong or one night, is noticing that person exists. If you don't at least get that, the rest of this is useless. Not only that but it makes you appear bigger, is easier on the lower back and gives off an air of decent genes. The correct posture also helps the voice.
2. Find out who you are. If you're a sports guy, realize that and build on the strength, don't become a meathead but become knowledgeable about the subject area, not only in the stats category but also in how it relates to other areas (wrestling in developing speed, agility, weight control and hand to hand combat, rowing in teamwork and discipline, golf and baseball in hand eye coordination and patience etc) and thus is not always a total waste of time. If you are an athlete you're likely to get at least some looks. It also makes you easier to approach as the apparel is usually a conversation starter (the wrestling and rowing jackets have served me well) and usually being in a sports team means you get in shape which brings me to my next point.
3. Get in shape. You don't have to be huge or a 4 min mile runner but you need to get some muscles on ya. It also makes the sex a hell of a lot better too. You last longer, you can do it more often and she'll be likely to want to do it more often. And That's the goal, ain’t it? Make sure to stretch well too.. pulling a groin muscle sucks, and not being in shape means you most likely will pull, tear or **** yourself up doing certain things than if you have muscle surrounding the bone. You can't make up for lack of height but you can add muscle to the frame.
4. Watch the “Tao of Steve“ (2000).
5. If you get the girl's number, wrap up, and walk away. There is no sense in talking to her and perhaps saying something stupid. She's given you her number, so she's indicated she would like to talk to you again. Don't wear out your welcome or give her reason to change her mind.
6. Don't then go hit on another girl. You'll lose both. It's like the parable of the dog.
7. One of life's biggest truths is that success breeds success. Look at the programs in March Madness and in the major bowl games every year. They do well because they have a base to draw more recruits, which helps them win games, which draws more recruits that are high quality, which in turn...... Don't mention to a girl (who isn't your friend) how long it's been since you got laid or had a girlfriend, most likely this will cause her to think "there must be a reason". Ironically, you need to get laid in order to get laid. But you can't sleep around and you can't go after the easiest girl who sleeps or blows every guy and then go after a classy girl because the classy girl will feel you would be downgrading her if she went out with you. Be picky, but not too picky. Look around, but not too much. This may sound like I’m an ******* but let's have an experiment: you have two guys (identical twins, for this purpose) one is at a table with 4 girls and the other is at a table with 4 guys. The females will be more interested in the one that is surrounded by women, after all, he must be doin something right, no?
8. This leads to friendships. I've been in and out a lot of circles of friends, some circles consisting solely of people in school, others of car buddies, others of people I knew in the music scene, others in the club scene. Again, success breeds success. If you can't get your buddy to sober up, chances are the women will and they'll jet. It's not good to you or anyone else to surround yourself with dopeheads (i.e. kids that do meth and E and **** at parties) or massive alcoholics. Make sure your friends are like you and loyal. (You're loyal, aren't you?) That they aren't ginos or act like the guy who's pretty fly (for a white guy). That they're articulate, nice, and driven. Which leads to the next point…
9. Make sure you have dreams, goals and desires and are moving towards achieving these. This shows women that you are capable of something, that you are, well driven, and that you aren't lost and dazed / confused. The guy who sits around and gets stoned with his buddies all the time doesn't get as much booty as the guy who says I have to wake up and go to practice and then go to school and then to work. It also shows you are serious about something. There's nothing wrong with humor, everyone needs some, but you have to be able to say well, look I'm funny but this is something I'm not joking around about. Whether this is helping your team win the championship, or getting into a certain school, getting certain job, or getting a fitness goal, people will see you can form a balance.
10. Just like you shouldn't waste your time, don't waste your money. Being broke doesn't attract women unless you're going to make it big as a musician (right now you might have a job even it don't pay, you need new clothes and somewhere to stay) and wasting time and money just shows a woman that that's all you are and thus wouldn't regard her very highly. You can waste a bit of both, as does everyone but don't go out drinking every night or spending wads of cash in weed when you need to pay other bills.
11. If you are bent on improving yourself, women will notice and you'll find that more and more of them will be giving you looks or talking to you. Everyone wants to jump on a bandwagon and support something that, like a phoenix is rising from the ashes... not something that is on another losing streak (then you just can't get no satisfaction)
12. Read the newspapers. You don't have to be Tim Russet but showing you know what's going on in the world will help you a lot. Especially if the girl you like keeps up with the news. You have something to talk about and advantage over the people that don't. For instance, how last year, Harper changed public perception of him with this Afghanistan visit and no doubt won support from many voters and obviously the military.
13. You can either ignore the girl and make her chase you or like I like to do with my friends, make her feel important. The girls I keep in contact with know they're really great people and I try to show them in my oddball way that I think so, too. They seem to enjoy it. Make em smile, it works better than making them cry, cry, cry.
14. Make them feel comfortable. If they feel safe, they'll want to stick around. Remember, women are fans of security whereas guys are more prone for risk taking (to prove this, ask your peers how many are considering say a career in the military or something equally risky.) and therefore I doubt she'd be up for cliff diving.
15. Get some skills. Dancing, guitar, athletic, cooking, auto repair.. you have to make yourself different from everyone else out there. If not, then you must not be special, and you're special right?
16. Be Creative.
17. Find your style, if you can't be the literate guy talking about frost, Keats, Shelley, Woodsworth, etc then don't. If you're not able to do it naturally and you try to be forceful with it, it'll come across. Some guys can pull off the constant reference thing; others not so much. You may not be able to pull off the constant humour thing, like other people can. The best way to find all this out is to talk to people, get shot down and realize hell, it ain't the end of the world if a woman says no, and just have fun, you'll be more relaxed that way and this will come across. You might feel nervous and anxious, it may really count this time but try to be relaxed, there's more of a chance she'll say yes.
18. Learn how to massage. It is a very worthwhile skill. It will take you far.
19. Match the shoes and the belt. Polish your shines now and again as well.
20. Trim the nose and pubic hairs. This is very important.
21. Show interest in what she says and does. Definitely an important asset. If the girl is say, a political activist, this is where reading the newspaper and keeping up with the major news stories will pay off. If she's an athlete perhaps you can go see her play or you can talk about the sport etc etc.
22. If you think 20 other guys said the same thing you're about to say, then don't say it. Chances are she's heard it, you'll appear lame like them and she won't be impressed.
23. Win over her friends. If you piss her friends off, unless she's pissed off at them, she'll turn you down. Remember that women like being safe and their friends make them feel safe (otherwise they wouldn't be friends) so if the friends in dictate you aren't safe in some manner you ain't goin anywhere. If they indicate you are a worthy guy, you will be fine. Women may not say it a lot but they'll take into great consideration what you're like around her friends.
24. I don't enjoy spending countless hours with small children but show some skill with children and dogs. You don't have to be a dog walking elementary teacher but knowing how to handle them bodes well.
25. Even if you're a punk, you don’t have to spit at people, courtesy goes a long way.
26. Have confidence in who you are and what you do. Even if you feel parts of you need improvement, forget about that and realize you aren’t the total loser you perceive.
27. Your place doesn't have to be the cleanest but don't leave food out or dishes in the sink for days.. that just looks too sloppy and you want a classy lady, right? Make sure it's at least sanitary and have enough food to offer guests. Booze to offer is also a plus.
28. Don't drink Corona in the wintertime and don't drink ****ty American beer.
29. Of course you can Crash Weddings but follow the rules...
30. Learn another language well enough that you could function on your own for a weekend in Seville or Barca or Rome or Bogotá if you had to. This is useful.
31. Occasionally buy a girl who's standing behind you a coffee/pay for hers. Then walk away. Offer no explanation. If you frequent the place enough, the people working there will know you're a good guy. How does this help you get laid? Well, if a girl is checking you out or said they like you, they'll be inclined to relay that information and then following the steps set out above you may get it on.
32. Be nice to old people. It shows you've got a good character. Help them out when they need it etc. If you do this without being forced and you're spotted, women will see you have compassion. Again, this is important.
33. If you happen to like a girl dating someone else at the current moment, then let her know if she needs anything you're there and go out and have fun. Do your best at schoolwork, look for any deficiencies you may have and if she's soon single, she'll know you're single and working harder at your job, getting better hours, etc.
34. Floss. No one wants to see food stuck in your teeth, it's disgusting and a huge turn off. Floss after lunch, too.
35. Don't pick on someone way smaller than you. Then you look like a jerk and again, safety issues pop up. Besides, if you lose, then man do you look like a fool.
36. You know that trend of wearing really baggy clothing? Don't follow it. Clothing that is too big makes you appear smaller which makes you seem less powerful. Besides, the less fabric you buy, generally the lower the price of the clothing. Plus, if the clothing fits you can run faster and catch the bus/streetcar/subway.
37. Quit smoking (or at least regularly). You’ll be in better shape and won't smell as much. People who smoke really do taste like ashtrays to non smokers.
38. Chivalry, though somewhat lost in modern times, still goes a long way these days. Whether it's taking the floor or couch and letting the guest take the floor, taking the luggage for a girl… they appreciate it.
39. Stop and ask for directions if you are honestly lost. Trying to put on a brave face and pretend like you never get lost is simply foolish. Understanding your limitations show you aren't all powerful. You can try to be but from time to time we all need a helping hand.
40. Donate every now and then. Put a nickel into that thing that sends kids to camp, work an hour or two with a group for veterans or the disabled. Go out of your way to make someone’s day, even if you just met them. Stuff like that gets noticed and people'll help you out as mentioned previously and that can lead to some cool experiences. It’s called karma…
41. Drink a lot of water. This will make your eyes white instead of bloodshot which happens when they get dry. When your eyes are red as **** people think you're on something or your hungover. This tends to lead to a negative perception of you which may take a lot to overcome. Besides this, it's good for your skin so the bags under your eyes will lessen and you will look youthful, full of energy and of course the colour of your eyes stands out more.
42. If you see just one or two girls.. Don't walk up w/ 5 or 6 of your closest friends… It's all about security. you don't want to intimidate the women.
43. Get a good haircut. Failing that, buy a good baseball cap.
THE END
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It appears to be true though
Quite an arrogant opening but I was willing to read on, being in a good long term relationship and having studied psychology.
I went too. It was me, her, her friend, and her friend's boyfriend. It was pretty out of the blue. Because like i said, when i hooked up with her was a long time ago. May 2005 or so. But it's obvious she's thinking about me. Which is a little strange really. But whatever. The only problem was, when i went i wasn't my normal cheerful self because i was hell tired. I didn't reel her in like i would've liked because i wasnt all that talkative and mr funny. But meh, i got a few good lines in there.