by AlwaysWhat,NeverWhy on Sun Apr 24, 2005 8:45 pm
September 25, 2003
Dear Diary,
My name is Mark Morrison , but my friends call me M&M ( pronounced em – in – em ). I am 32 years old and have just graduated from my MBA class in Sports Management in Stanford. I decided upon this career after failed early attempt as a rapper ( none of the agents in the music business thought I’d make it , being a white boy nicknamed Eminem ) and a basketball player ( got cut from my varsity team after failing to pass the ‘jumping over a twice folded newspaper’ test ). This is a diary I have decided to keep so as I can keep track of things in my life as time goes on… Or maybe it’s just an excuse for me not trying enough to get a girlfriend…
January 7th, 2004
Today was a great day indeed. After 4 months of job-hunting the phone rang this morning. It was no other than Knicks VC and GM , and former NBA legend Isaea Thomas, wanting me to join him as an assistant GM for the team. Naturally, I was dumbfounded… what kind of experience or credentials do I have to warrant such a position… No matter, as the say you shouldn’t look at a gift horse in the Mouth, so I hastily accepted and got on the first bus to New York. What? No plane first class? What, you think I had more than two pennys to rub together prior to this?
January 11th, 2004
I finally arrive in New York… Taking a broken down decrepit bus from California to New York can result in rather excessive time delays… not to mention the Pakistani bus-jacker that had us roaming the rural streets of Kansas until he received compensation from the government regarding his being fired from his job a week ago…
January 12th , 2004
I met Isaea Thomas this morning… He went into full detail describing my duties as an Assistant GM for the Knicks. Let’s see: the photo copier was busted, the espresso machine was dripping machine oil instead of coffee, and Isaea’s shoes needed polishing the old fashioned way. Needless to say, I was thrilled to be a part of the Knicks organization.
April 20th, 2004
What do you know, the team actually made the playoffs… Here’s to not getting sweeped on the first round… By the way, I have come to the conclusion that Isaea is a… how shall I put it so that I do not seem disrespectful towards his playing career… hmmmm…. oh yes, a complete moron and diphit, that doesn’t have a clue about running any sort of business, much less a living and breathing organizations such as a basketball franchise… and a complete jackass for not listening to a word I say… There, I hope that didn’t come out as too harsh…
September 21st, 2004
Oh boy, Isaea is really walking on a thin line now… He has just made some questionable, to put it mildly, trade moves. First he acquires Nazr Mohammed from the Hawks, to get a true center, even if a bit undersized. And then trades him to the Spurs to get even more undersized PF Malik Rose and his bloated contract. Okay , we can live with that. Next move: Signing rebounding PF Junk-Yard-Dog Williams… another PF with a big paycheck due… Crap… Next up: Signing perennial underachiever Tim Thomas for over 10 m a year… Holy mother… It’s not over: trades Vin Baker and Moochie Norris to the Rockets for Mo Taylor, which would have been great had Mo Taylor NOT BEEN A FRIGGIN’ PF WITH A BLOATED CONTRACT!!! Maybe I’ll go beat him up right now… Yes, I’ll do that…
September 24th, 2004
With Isaea in the hospital sporting quite the number of broken bones and barely recognizable due to facial reordering, courtesy of yours truly, the New York Knicks ownership called to inform me that I was the consensus choice to be the teams’ next GM, due to my outstanding credentials… WTF??? What credentials? All I ever did in my stint here was serving coffee, fixing malfunctioning machinery and the pinnacle of all, beating my boss into a pulp… Hey, maybe that’s why. Looks like I was not the only one hating Isaea…
Next Up: Meeting the team (hmmm.. make that ‘Meeting the Power Forwards” ) and the first days in my new comfy chair…